Archive for the ‘3. Round Three’ Category

Statement for Attorney Fees, et al at $12,033.93

IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF THE STATE OF OREGON

FOR THE COUNTY OF MULTNOMAH

CATHERINE LYNNE CARTER, Petitioner
v
RORY GREY BOWMAN, Respondent

Case No. 060303051

STATEMENT FOR ATTORNEY FEES, COSTS, AND DISBURSEMENTS FOR RESPONDENT

The undersigned attorney offers the following facts in support of an award of reasonable and necessary attorney fees, costs, and disbursements:

1. Respondent is entitled to recover attorney fees, costs, and disbursements pursuant to ORS 30.866(4)(c), as interpreted consistently with Article I, Sections 10 and 20 of the Oregon Constitution.

2. Legal fees, including the number of hours and services provided in this matter by each attorney, clerk, and legal assistant in the hourly rates for each are set forth in detail in Exhibit 1. The total sum of these fees is $10,790.00. Exhibit 1 is summarized as follows:

Name, Position, Hourly Rate, Number of Hours, Fees

Bear Wilner-Nugent, Attorney, $100 (initial consult/travel), 2.4, $240.00

Bear Wilner-Nugent, Attorney, $150 flat fee (first demand letter), 1 task, $150.00

Bear Wilner-Nugent, Attorney, $200 (basic rate), 52.0, $10,400.00

3. The specific factors supporting an award and the amount of legal fees pursuant to ORS 20.075 or other statute or rule are set forth in Exhibit 2.

4. Litigation expenses billable directly to the client that are not overhead expenses already reflected in the hourly rate for legal services are set forth in detail in Exhibit 3. The total sum of these litigation expenses is $1158.93.

5. Costs and disbursements supported by ORCP 68 A(2) or other statute or rule, consisting of the prevailing party fee, are set forth in detail in Exhibit 4. The total sum of these costs and disbursements is $85.00.

6. In summary, respondent is entitled to an award of reasonable and necessary attorney fees in the sum of $10,790.00, litigation expenses in the sum of $1158.93, and a prevailing party fee in the sum of $85.00, for a total of $12,033.93.

I hereby declare that the above statement, including the information contained in the exhibits to this statement, is true to the best of my knowledge and belief, and that I understand it is made for use as evidence in court and is subject to penalty for perjury.

Date 9/3/09
Bear Wilner-Nugent, OSB#044549
Counsel for Respondent

Signed Vacation of Order

IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF THE STATE OF OREGON
FOR THE COUNTY OF MULTNOMAH
FAMILY COURT

Catherine Lynne Carter DOB: 2/24/77
v
Rory Grey Bowman DOB: 10/6/65

Case 0603 03051
ORDER

On the motion of the Respondent to vacate the Final Stalking Protective Order and Judgment signed by Judge Steven A Todd on April 21, 2006 is vacated.

Signed August 21, 2009 by Circuit Court Judge R. K. Mickelson

Order Terminating and Judgment

IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF THE STATE OF OREGON

FOR THE COUNTY OF MULTNOMAH

CATHERINE LYNNE CARTER,  Petitioner
v
RORY GREY BOWMAN, Respondent

Case No. 060303051

ORDER TERMINATING FINAL STALKING PROTECTIVE ORDER AND JUDGMENT

This case comes before the court on respondent’s motion to terminate the final stalking protective order and judgment entered on April 22, 2006.  The court has read and considered respondent’s motion, petitioner’s opposition, the transcript of the 2006 hearing, and the exhibits.  The court further heard testimony and argument on behalf of both parties on August 21, 2009.

Insofar as respondent argues, in Part II of his memorandum of law, for a finding that this stalking protective order was void ab initio, respondent’s motion must be denied.  Respondent did not appeal from the court’s judgment, and no circumstances that might compel extraordinary relief from the judgment are present.  The court declines to revisit Judge Todd’s findings of April 22, 2006.

Based on the entire record in this action, however, the court cannot find that petitioner continues to suffer reasonable apprehension due to the past acts of respondent under ORS 163.738(2)(a)(B)(iii).  Edwards v. Biehler, 203 Or App 271, 277 (2005).  Respondent’s communications to petitioner’s boyfriend and petitioner’s counsel on April 23 and 24, 2006, must be understood in the context of how close in time to the prior hearing they occurred.  They were not, in any event, timely brought to the court’s attention as potential violations of the order.  The court is unable to find on this record that respondent’s Internet communications about petitioner and this case constitute the sort of clear threat that could be a violation of the order.

The criteria for issuing a stalking protective order under ORS 163.738(2)(a)(B)(i) to (iii) are no longer present in this case.  Edwards, 203 Or App at 277.  Respondent’s motion is therefore granted for the reasons articulated in Part I of respondent’s memorandum of law.  The final stalking protective order and judgment entered on April 22, 2006, are terminated as of August 21, 2009.  They shall have no prospective effect.  Judgment will be entered accordingly.

IT IS SO ORDERED this ____ day of _______________, 2009.

_____________________________

Circuit Court Judge, for Ronald E. Cinniger, Senior Judge

Submitted by: Bear Wilner-Nugent, OSB #044549, Counsel for Respondent

Three Hearings, Three Play Lists

During the decade-long saga of Catherine Lynne Carter’s fearful fixation on me, I made three CD “playlists” of songs that brought me comfort as I remembered, meditated and prepared for the unpleasant hearings and legal stupidity she had chosen. The first mix was a farewell mix made after her 1999 suit against me, to capture and honor some of the emotional roller-coaster that was our “romantic period”, from the time we first slept together until she unilaterally decided that I wanted to kill her. The second mix was a meditation mix, made after the 2006 hearing to help me think about and consider various things that might be at play within her clearly disturbed mind, so that I might find more compassion and understanding around the irrational things that she had done. The third mix was made just before our third hearing date in 2009, a pre-fight mix to help steel me for the unpleasant task ahead. The first mix was sequential, representing various phases in our romantic relationship and ending with a hopeful Goddess song about her longing for her dead mother, Lynne. The others were designed for “random play” and are listed alphabetically by song title.

1999 Mix on Romantic Journey

Each of these songs refers to a specific incident within the relationship, with the final two being one each for where I was and where I hoped she would find comfort.

  1. Love Theme from Romeo & Juliet (Henry Mancini Singers)
  2. Obsession (Sara McLachlin)
  3. Crash (Dave Matthews Band)
  4. Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in My Hand (Primitive Radio Gods)
  5. Barely Breathing    (Duncan Sheik)
  6. Long December    (Counting Crows)
  7. Counting Blue Cars (Smashmouth)
  8. Arms of the Angels (Sara McLachlin)
  9. Dar Williams – February (Dar Williams)
  10. River (Joni Mitchell)
  11. Sympathetic Character (Alanis Morissette)
  12. I Miss You (Randy Williams)
  13. Hymn to Her (The Pretenders)

2006 Mix on What Might Be in Her Head

This mix I made entirely of Alanis Morrissette songs and entitled “Temporary Arrangements.” Morrissette is a brilliant singer-songwriter from a country known to produce brilliant singer-songwriters, and her deep insights across multiple perspectives on the human condition has always served to deepen my understanding, make me more compassionate and enrich my life.

2009 Mix to Prepare a Clean End with Mercy

This was a “pre-fight mix” such as boxers or cage fighters use to prepare for battle which, in this case, meant to steel me against the willingness to try and protect someone who wanted to damage me, as I had in 2006. This mix was prepared the day before our hearing, and was what I meditated on the night before.

This was a random-play mix, with titles listed alphabetically.

Carter Requests Telephonic Testimony

From: Bear Wilner-Nugent <bwnlaw@gmail.com>
Date: July 23, 2009 3:01:12 PM PDT
To: Robert A Callahan <racallahan@nwlawcenter.com>
Subject: Telephonic testimony

Dear Mr. Callahan,

I am in receipt of your letter dated July 22 regarding Carter v. Bowman.  In that letter, you state that “[p]etitioner may offer witness testimony via telephonic testimony at the hearing.”  Please take notice that, at the hearing in this matter on August 21, I will object to the presentation of telephonic testimony for the following reasons:

* You have failed to state good cause for telephonic testimony in your letter, and you will be unable to make a showing of good cause at the hearing.  ORS 45.400(1), (3), (7).

* The ability to evaluate the credibility and demeanor of your witnesses, including Ms. Carter, in person is critical to the outcome of the proceeding.  ORS 45.400(3)(a).

* The issues that your witnesses, including Ms. Carter, will testify about are so determinative of the outcome that face-to-face cross-examination is necessary.  ORS 45.400(3)(b).

* The failure of your witnesses, including Ms. Carter, to appear personally will result in substantial prejudice to Mr. Bowman.  ORS 45.400(3)(f).

I suggest that we plan to address this issue with the court at the commencement of the hearing.  Given that you have already sought and received two continuances of the hearing date, I also suggest that you have your witnesses, including Ms. Carter, ready to testify in person should the court rule that you have not established good cause to support telephonic testimony or that a basis for denying your motion to offer telephonic testimony exists under ORS 45.400(3).  If you do not prevail on the motion to offer telephonic testimony and subsequently do not make your witnesses available in person on August 21, I will ask the court to proceed with the hearing on that date, rather than allow a further continuance, even if that means that some witnesses are unavailable to you.

Respectfully,
Bear Wilner-Nugent

Request for Admissions with Responses

IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF THE STATE OF OREGON

FOR THE COUNTY OF MULTNOMAH

CATHERINE LYNNE CARTER, Petitioner
v
RORY GREY BOWMAN, Resondent

Case No. 060303051
RESPONDENT’S REQUESTS FOR ADMISSION

FAILURE TO SERVE A WRITTEN ANSWER OR OBJECTION WITHIN THE TIME ALLOWED BY ORCP 45 B WILL RESULT IN ADMISSION OF THE FOLLOWING REQUESTS.

Respondent Rory Grey Bowman, through counsel, respectfully requests that petitioner admit the truth of the statements set forth below.

1

Between April 21, 2004, and April 21, 2006, respondent did not come into the visual or physical presence of petitioner except at the trial of this matter on April 21, 2006.

NOT WITHIN PETITIONER’S KNOWLEDGE

2

Between April 22, 2006, and May 22, 2009, respondent did not come into the visual or physical presence of petitioner.

DENY

3

Between April 21, 2004, and April 21, 2006, respondent did not follow petitioner.

NOT TO PETITIONER’S KNOWLEDGE

4

Between April 22, 2006, and May 22, 2009, respondent did not follow petitioner.

NOT TO PETITIONER’S KNOWLEDGE

5

Between April 21, 2004, and April 21, 2006, respondent did not wait outside petitioner’s home, property, place of work, or school.

NOT TO PETITIONER’S KNOWLEDGE

6

Between April 22, 2006, and May 22, 2009, respondent did not wait outside petitioner’s home, property, place of work, or school.

NOT TO PETITIONER’S KNOWLEDGE

7

Between April 21, 2004, and April 21, 2006, respondent did not send or make written or electronic communications in any form to petitioner herself.

ADMIT

8

Between April 22, 2006, and May 22, 2009, respondent did not send or make written or electronic communications in any form to petitioner herself.

ADMIT

9

Between April 21, 2004, and April 21, 2006, respondent did not speak with petitioner by any means other than at the trial of this matter on April 21, 2006.

ADMIT

10

Between April 22, 2006, and May 22, 2009, respondent did not speak with petitioner by any means.

ADMIT


11

Between April 21, 2004, and April 21, 2006, respondent did not make a communication to any person with the intent that it be relayed to petitioner.

DENY

12

Between April 22, 2006, and May 22, 2009, respondent did not make a communication to any person with the intent that it be relayed to petitioner, other than requesting through counsel that petitioner move to vacate the stalking protective order in this case.

DENY

13

Respondent has not been arrested for, nor charged with, a crime against petitioner.

ADMIT

14

Between April 21, 2004, and April 21, 2006, respondent did not commit any crimes against petitioner.

ADMIT


15

Between April 22, 2006, and May 22, 2009, respondent did not commit any crimes against petitioner.

NOT TO PETITIONER’S KNOWLEDGE

16

Between April 21, 2004, and April 21, 2006, respondent did not communicate with any person, other than Kevin Balmer, who has a relationship with petitioner with the intent of affecting that person’s relationship with petitioner.

DENY

17

Between April 22, 2006, and May 22, 2009, respondent did not communicate with any person, other than Kevin Balmer, who has a relationship with petitioner with the intent of affecting that person’s relationship with petitioner.

DENY

18

Kevin Balmer has never told petitioner that respondent’s communications with Balmer in 2006 had any effect on Balmer’s relationship with petitioner.

DENY


19

Kevin Balmer has never told petitioner that, during respondent’s communications with Balmer in 2006, respondent stated any intent to affect Balmer’s relationship with petitioner.

DENY

20

Between April 21, 2004, and April 21, 2006, respondent did not communicate with any business entity with the intent of affecting some right or interest of petitioner.

NOT WITHIN PETITIONER’S KNOWLEDGE

21

Between April 22, 2006, and May 22, 2009, respondent did not communicate with any business entity with the intent of affecting some right or interest of petitioner.

DENY

22

Between April 21, 2004, and April 21, 2006, respondent did not damage petitioner’s home, property, place of work, or school.

NOT WITHIN PETITIONER’S KNOWLEDGE


23

Between April 22, 2006, and May 22, 2009, respondent did not damage petitioner’s home, property, place of work, or school.

NOT WITHIN PETITIONER’S KNOWLEDGE

24

Between April 21, 2004, and April 21, 2006, respondent did not deliver, directly or through a third person, any object to the home, property, place of work, or school of petitioner.

NOT WITHIN PETITIONER’S KNOWLEDGE

25

Between April 22, 2006, and May 22, 2009, respondent did not deliver, directly or through a third person, any object to the home, property, place of work, or school of petitioner.

NOT WITHIN PETITIONER’S KNOWLEDGE

26

Petitioner has never seen respondent injure another person.

ADMIT


27

Petitioner has never seen respondent brandish a weapon or carry a weapon in a hostile manner.

ADMIT

28

Every communication that petitioner’s counsel has received from respondent or respondent’s counsel since April 21, 2006, has concerned requests by respondent to vacate or terminate the stalking protective order in this case.

DENY

29

Petitioner believes that respondent currently resides in Vancouver, Washington.

PETITIONER HAS NO KNOWLEDGE OF RESPONSDENT’S WHEREABOUTS

30

Petitioner has refused to move to vacate the stalking protective order in this case.

ADMIT

Motion to Terminate and Memorandum of Law

IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF THE STATE OF OREGON

FOR THE COUNTY OF MULTNOMAH

CATHERINE LYNNE CARTER,  Petitioner
v
RORY GREY BOWMAN, Respondent

Case No. 060303051

RESPONDENT’S MOTION TO TERMINATE STALKING PROTECTIVE ORDER AND MEMORANDUM OF LAW

Oral Argument Requested

Respondent Rory Grey Bowman, through counsel, respectfully moves the Court for an order terminating the stalking protective order entered in this case on April 21, 2006, and requiring petitioner Catherine Lynne Carter to pay respondent reasonable attorney fees and costs and disbursements expended in seeking termination of the order.

Respondent requests that the Court hold an evidentiary hearing and entertain legal argument on this motion.  This motion is based on the record previously developed in this case, the following memorandum of law, and evidence to be introduced at the motion hearing. Pursuant to UTCR 5.050, respondent requests oral argument and official court reporting services and estimates that the time necessary for this hearing will not exceed three hours.

FACTS

The parties met in 1994 when petitioner was a student at Reed College and respondent, a Reed alumnus, worked as a security guard there.  Tr 10.[1] Petitioner dated respondent’s brother, Marcus, in 1996.  Tr 10-11, 28-29.  Following Marcus Bowman’s suicide in early 1997, the parties became lovers and lived together.  Tr 11, 29.  The parties broke up in early 1998.  Tr 11.

Following their breakup, the parties saw each other socially, but this gradually stopped.  A lawyer friend of petitioner’s, Marti Dell, met respondent for coffee and told him to stay away from petitioner, without disclosing that she was speaking in a representative capacity.  Tr. 11-12.  Respondent, to whom petitioner had given a key to her truck, used the truck to return petitioner’s remaining possessions to her.  Tr. 11-12, 29.  After that, contact died out.  Tr 28.

In 1999, petitioner brought an action, Multnomah Count Circuit Court case no. 990708238, for issuance of a stalking protective order against respondent.  Ex 1; Tr 12.  Petitioner was represented by a lawyer, Nancy Cooper; respondent appeared pro se.  After hearing evidence and argument, the Honorable David Smedema dismissed the case.  Tr 13.  Judge Smedema ordered respondent to return petitioner’s truck key through Cooper, which respondent did.  Tr 13, 29, 42.

After the 1999 proceeding, respondent contacted petitioner only a few more times.  Twice, on her birthdays in 2001 and 2003, he sent mail to her, once care of Cooper and once care of petitioner’s father, proposing friendship.  Ex 2, 3; Tr 16, 18, 30-31, 48-50, 52-53.  When petitioner did not answer, respondent stopped trying to communicate with her.

Respondent was present as a videographer at a 2003 dance performance produced by Elinor Friedberg, a former partner of his.  Coincidentally, petitioner, who sometimes designed costumes for Friedberg, was also present at the performance.  The parties did not, however, make contact or speak at that time.  This was the last time there is any evidence in the record that the parties saw one another outside of court.  Tr 16.

During the two years prior to the issuance of the stalking protective order now at issue, respondent had no contact of any kind with petitioner herself.  The contacts that served as the basis for the Court’s issuance of the order were between respondent and petitioner’s boyfriend, Kevin Balmer.

In November 2005, respondent, now self-employed as a computer consultant, joined a social networking website called tribe.net in an effort to market himself to new clients.  Tr 32, 45.  Members of tribe.net can subscribe to various interest groups on the website.  One of the interest groups respondent joined was the general Portland group.

Shortly thereafter, petitioner (who was also a tribe.net member) posted a citywide notice, seen by respondent among many others, announcing that someone had joined tribe.net who should not have her contact information and requesting that no one give it out without her permission to anyone they did not know.  Tr 15, 18, 24-26, 32-33, 44.  Petitioner then changed her screen name from her actual name to “Invisigoth.”  Tr 24-26, 33.  This name was taken from an X-Files episode that petitioner and respondent had watched during their relationship.  Petitioner had told respondent at that time that she would adopt the alias “Invisigoth” if she ever had to hide out from anyone.  Tr 33.  Shortly thereafter, Balmer changed his user icon to a picture of himself pointing a pistol at the camera.  Ex 102, Tr. 34-36, 43, 54.

Respondent was surprised, then, when in January, 2006, he received an invitation from Balmer, sent via tribe.net, to attend a screening of a film in whose production Balmer was involved.  Tr 36.  The invitation had been sent to several others in addition to respondent.  Respondent, believing that including him in the invitation list was a gesture of reconciliation between Balmer and petitioner and himself, replied that he would attend.  Tr 36-37.  Posting this reply to the website was an action that other tribe.net members, including petitioner, could see.  Tr 20, 36.  Petitioner RSVP’d to the website after respondent.  Tr. 36.  Respondent attended the film, sitting by an aisle so that he could be seen.  Tr 21.  Petitioner was not present at the screening, and no one made contact with respondent.  Tr 37.

Confused as to the meaning of the invitation and lack of followup and concerned by the possible meaning of Balmer’s self-portrait with the gun, respondent attempted to get to the bottom of things.  In February, 2006, respondent emailed Balmer, asking him to clarify what the meaning of the film invitation was.  Tr 21, 37.[2] Respondent subsequently left tribe.net.  Tr 37, 39, 44-45.

Respondent eventually met with Balmer on the public sidewalk outside Balmer’s workplace, Consolidated National Freightways (CNF).  The two men had a brief and peaceful conversation.  Ex 103; Tr 21-24, 37-39, 46-47, 51-52.  Balmer testified on direct examination at the previous hearing in this case that, on that day, he “wanted to give [respondent] an opportunity really to engage me.”  Tr 22.  Although Balmer testified that, while he may have been “just a little bit alarmed, a little bit surprised,” by respondent speaking with him outside his workplace, when asked by petitioner’s counsel, “Was there anything about [respondent’s] overture that… you took as… threatening either directly or overtly to you regarding your relationship with [petitioner]?” Balmer answered, “No there weren’t, really.”  Tr 24.

Following the conversation between Balmer and respondent, petitioner filed her complaint in this case.  She alleged that, within the preceding two years, respondent had made three predicate contacts: appearing at the film screening, emailing Balmer afterward, and speaking with Balmer outside CNF.  The complaint also made allegations concerning the earlier letters to petitioner, but those fell outside the two-year statute of limitations.  ORS 30.866(6).

The order that respondent now asks the Court to terminate was granted following an April 21, 2006 hearing before Judge Todd, where petitioner was represented by a lawyer, Robert Callahan, but respondent again was not.  No charges of violating this order have ever been brought.

Respondent began the process that culminates with the instant motion by writing letters to petitioner’s counsel in late 2007 and early 2008.  This was in keeping with the Court’s direction at the close of the 2006 hearing to communicate with counsel if respondent sought to modify or terminate the order.  Tr 59.  In July, 2008, respondent retained his own counsel to pursue termination of the order.  Respondent’s counsel first sent Callahan a letter requesting that petitioner voluntarily move to vacate the order.  With that request unavailing, respondent’s counsel sent a letter relating respondent’s plans to file the instant motion but proposing mediation before the motion was filed.  Counsel for both parties met with the Honorable Kristena LaMar on December 2, 2008, without the parties in the room, but the attempted mediation was unsuccessful.

ARGUMENT

In Edwards v. Biehler, 203 Or App 271 (2005), the Court of Appeals held that Oregon’s stalking statutes permit a respondent to move to terminate a stalking protective order of unlimited duration.[3] By termination, the court explained, the statutes refer to “entry of an order that relieves the respondent of continuing prospective application of” a stalking protective order.  Id. at 273 n. 2.  This Court is empowered to terminate a stalking protective order

when, on the respondent’s motion, [the] court finds that the criteria for issuing the order under ORS 163.738(2)(a)(B)(i) to (iii) are no longer present.  The court’s inquiry will focus primarily on whether petitioner continues to suffer “reasonable apprehension” due to the past acts of the respondent under ORS 163.738(2)(a)(B)(iii).

Id. at 277.

Respondent asks that the order be terminated on two grounds.  First, the criteria for issuing an order are no longer present.  Second, they were never present to begin with.

I.            THE COURT SHOULD TERMINATE THE ORDER BECAUSE THERE IS NO LONGER ANY VALID REASON TO MAINTAIN IT.

The Court should grant respondent’s motion because, when weighed as part of the entire history of contacts between the parties, the passage of three violation-free years demonstrates that the stalking protective order is no longer necessary.  The party seeking to terminate a stalking protective order has the burden of proving “that the concerns that underlay the issuance of the original [order] have sufficiently abated that the order should be set aside.”  Benaman v. Andrews, 213 Or App 467, 476 (2007).  Although the Court is not called to decide “whether the circumstances since the issuance of the original [order] would be sufficient to justify the issuance of a new [order],” id., the primary consideration for the Court is whether or not petitioner continues to suffer “reasonable apprehension” due to respondent’s past acts.  Edwards, 203 Or App at 277.

Respondent will demonstrate at the hearing that any continuing apprehension felt by petitioner is not “objectively reasonable,” ORS 30.866(1)(b), in view of the whole record: that is, the record previously developed in this case as augmented by subsequent events.

ORS 30.866(1) has both a subjective and an objective component.  To satisfy the subjective component, “[t]he contacted person must in fact be alarmed or coerced by the contacts, and the contacts must in fact cause the person apprehension regarding his or her personal safety.”  Weatherly v. Wilkie, 169 Or App 257, 259, 8 P3d 251 (2000).  To satisfy the objective component, “the contacted person’s alarm or coercion must be objectively reasonable” and that person’s apprehension for his or her personal safety must also be objectively reasonable.  Id.

Lowrance v. Trow, 225 Or App 250, 252 (2009).

Even if petitioner is subjectively alarmed by, or apprehensive of, respondent, any such alarm or apprehension is objectively unreasonable in view of the lack of congruence between respondent’s actual pattern of conduct toward petitioner and the types of contact that the stalking laws make potential grounds for issuance of an order.  These types of contact are listed in ORS 163.730(3).  Respondent will address each of them.

Other than the 2006 hearing, respondent has not knowingly entered a place in which petitioner was present since the 1999 hearing.  The last time the record shows that the parties encountered each other in person outside court, even accidentally, was in 2003, at Friedberg’s dance performance.  Tr. 16.  It has been over a decade since the parties intentionally saw one another outside of court.  Tr 16, 19; ORS 163.730(3)(a).  Respondent has not spoken out loud with petitioner outside court since 1998, either.  Tr 13, 16; ORS 163.730(3)(e).  Respondent has not delivered any tangible objects to petitioner in person since returning her possessions in 1999.  Tr 11-12, 19, 29; ORS 163.730(3)(k).

Respondent has not attempted to correspond with petitioner since shortly before the 2006 hearing, when he was confused about what he reasonably perceived as an attempt at rapprochement through tribe.net.  Ex 103; Tr 38, 47-48; ORS 163.730(3)(d).  Once it was made clear to respondent that Balmer’s tribe.net invitation was an attempt to promote, citywide, a work of art and was not targeted personally at him, respondent let the subject drop.

Since the previous hearing in this case, all respondent’s communications having anything to do with petitioner (or Balmer, for that matter) have been directed toward termination of the order, something it is respondent’s legal right to seek.  Respondent wishes to accomplish this because the order has had undesirable collateral effects on his professional and personal life that have nothing to do with the legitimate purposes of the stalking laws and do not, in fact, afford petitioner any benefit.  These communications have been sent to petitioner’s counsel or, in one instance, Balmer.  None have been sent to petitioner.  Since respondent retained counsel, all communications have been to petitioner’s counsel exclusively and all have been from respondent’s counsel rather than from respondent himself.  ORS 163.730(3)(f).

There was no evidence presented in 2006 that respondent had ever engaged in several other types of conduct enjoined by the order with respect to petitioner.  There will be no evidence that he has engaged in these types of conduct since the issuance of the order, either.  Specifically, respondent has never followed petitioner, ORS 163.730(3)(b); waited outside petitioner’s home, property, place of work, or school, ORS 163.730(3)(c); committed a crime against petitioner, ORS 163.730(3)(g); communicated with a third person who has a relationship with petitioner with the intent of affecting the third person’s relationship with her, ORS 163.730(3)(h);[4] communicated with business entities with the intent of affecting some right or interest of petitioner’s, ORS 163.730(3)(i); nor damaged petitioner’s home, property, place of work, or school, ORS 163.730(3)(j).

It bears repeating that the type of apprehension against which the stalking statures are meant to guard is reasonable apprehension of physical harmOsborne v. Fadden, 225 Or App 431, 438 (2009), citing Delgado v. Souders, 334 Or 122, 151-152 (2002).  In view of the evidence, summarized above, to be presented at the hearing on this motion, together with the record of the parties’ earlier relationship, the Court should find that petitioner does not have any objective reason to believe that respondent poses a threat of physical harm to her.  With that finding, respondent has met his burden under Edwards and Benaman to prove that the concerns that underlay the issuance of the original order have abated.  The Court should, accordingly, order the stalking protective order terminated.

II.            THE COURT SHOULD TERMINATE THE ORDER BECAUSE PETITIONER FAILED TO MEET HER BURDEN OF PRODUCTION IN THE 2006 HEARING.

Even if the Court determines that respondent is not entitled to relief on the basis of changed circumstances, it should still terminate the stalking protective order.  The order has been unjustified since it was issued, because petitioner never introduced sufficient evidence to make out a proper prima facie case.

To argue that a stalking protective order of unlimited duration should be terminated because it was not supported by sufficient evidence when issued is a type of claim permitted under the principles set forth in Edwards v. Biehler but not yet explicitly discussed in a published appellate decision.  Edwards held that a stalking protective order may be terminated when the criteria for issuing the order “are no longer present.”  203 Or App at 277.  Given that the criteria for issuing an order were not present in the first place, certainly they are “no longer” present.  The court’s determination is, under Edwards, supposed to “focus primarily” on the continuing need for the order.  Neither Edwards nor the sources of authority on which it depends, however, rule out a motion to terminate a stalking protective order grounded on the invalidity of the order ab initio.[5]

To read Edwards more narrowly would plunge the Court into the thicket of potential constitutional problems with the stalking laws that the Court of Appeals deemed it prudent to avoid by permitting motions to terminate stalking protective orders.  Id. at 273, 276.  Assuming for the sake of argument that a stalking protective order was invalid when issued, the lack of a later means to challenge such an order would violate the right to a remedy by due course of law for every civil wrong, which is guaranteed by Article I, Section 10 of the Oregon Constitution.  That absence would also violate the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution by creating an impermissible risk of an erroneous deprivation of weighty private rights, considering the ease of supplying alternate procedural safeguards (i.e., bringing a motion such as the instant one).  See Mathews v. Eldridge, 424 US 319 (1976).  If petitioner interposes a procedural objection to this reading of Edwards, respondent will address these constitutional issues at more length in a reply memorandum.

The Court of Appeals recently outlined the elements of a stalking claim.

A petitioner may obtain an SPO against another if the petitioner can establish three elements by a preponderance of the evidence.  ORS 30.866(7).  First, a petitioner must establish that two or more times, ORS 163.730(7), within the two years before the request for the SPO, ORS 30.866(6), the respondent intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly engaged in unwanted contact with the petitioner or a member of the petitioner’s immediate family or household, thereby alarming or coercing the petitioner, ORS 30.866(1)(a).  Second, when viewed in the totality of the circumstances, it must be objectively reasonable for the petitioner to have been alarmed or coerced by the contacts.  ORS 30.866(1)(b); Pinkham v. Brubaker, 178 Or App 360, 372, 37 P3d 186 (2001).  Third, the contacts must cause the petitioner reasonable apprehension about the personal safety of the petitioner or a member of his or her immediate family or household.  ORS 30.866(1)(c); see also Delgado v. Souders, 334 Or 122, 151-52, 46 P3d 729 (2002) (the term personal safety does not encompass apprehension of harm other than physical harm)…

Osborne, 225 Or App at 437-438 (emphasis in original).

The evidence offered at the 2006 hearing in this case failed to meet this standard in multiple ways.  First, most of petitioner’s testimony concerned various general fears about respondent or prior aspects of the relationship between the parties.  See generally Tr 13-18.  This testimony did not substantively tend to prove any of the predicate contacts alleged in the complaint as a basis for issuance of the order.  The scope of issues for decision in a stalking case is framed by the well-pled allegations in petitioner’s complaint, just as the pleadings frame the scope of issues in any civil action.  Jones v. Lindsey, 193 Or App 674, 676-677 (2004).  Any alleged apprehension caused by respondent’s conduct toward petitioner outside the statute of limitations is inadequate to support issuance of a stalking protective order without proof that two or more qualifying contacts happened within the statute of limitations.  Id. at 681, citing Schiffner v. Banks, 177 Or App 86, 96-97 (2001).  In other words, “the alarm or coercion must arise from the contact[s]” within the statute of limitations themselves.  Schiffner, 177 Or App at 92.

Second, to the extent that petitioner’s evidence concerned particular actions on respondent’s part, most of those actions did not constitute “contacts” as defined in the stalking laws.  For instance, respondent’s attendance at the film screening did not constitute a contact.  Respondent attended the film screening in response to the tribe.net invitation, but if petitioner or Balmer were there respondent did not become aware of it, much less see them or speak with them.  Tr. 21, 37.  Thus, respondent did not actually make contact with either petitioner or Balmer at the film screening in any of the ways that “contact” is defined in ORS 163.730(3).  ORS 163.730(3) bars only completed contact, not attempted contact.

Third, petitioner offered insufficient evidence with regard to the alleged predicate contacts themselves.  Petitioner and Balmer were the only witnesses who testified in support of the complaint.  Both agreed — on examination, respectively, by the Court and by petitioner’s counsel — that the only contacts made by respondent within the two years before the issuance of the order that either of them believed to fall within the ambit of the stalking laws were the messages posted on tribe.net and respondent’s meeting with Balmer at CNF.  Tr. 19, 20-24.  If those messages and that meeting were not actually contacts of a type barred by the stalking laws, than the order should never have been issued.

The tribe.net messages and the CNF meeting did not qualify as predicate contacts because they did not constitute threats.

[F]or contacts that involve speech, Article I, section 8, of the Oregon Constitution requires proof that the contact constitutes a “threat.”  A threat (1) “instills in the addressee a fear of imminent and serious personal violence from the speaker,” (2) “is unequivocal,” and (3) “is objectively likely to be followed by unlawful acts.”  State v. Rangel, 328 Or 294, 303, 977 P2d 379 (1999). That definition “’exclud[es] the kind of hyperbole, rhetorical excesses, and impotent expressions of anger or frustration that in some contexts can be privileged even if they alarm the addressee.’“  Id. (quoting State v. Moyle, 299 Or 691, 705, 705 P2d 740 (1985)).

Osborne, 225 Or App at 437-438.

In the last year alone, the Court of Appeals has reversed multiple stalking protective orders in cases involving behavior that was considerably more outrageous than anything respondent was even accused of doing in this case.  See e.g. Goodness v. Beckham, 224 Or App 565 (2008); Sparks v. Deveny, 221 Or App 283 (2008); Valerio v. Valerio, 224 Or App 265 (2008). The common thread running through all of these cases is that the expressive conduct at issue did not constitute a threat.  Even “expressions of anger or frustration” — and there is no evidence in the record that respondent made any such expressions to petitioner or Balmer in the two years before April 21, 2006 — are “impotent” for purposes of the stalking laws unless they “unequivocally involve a threat that would instill in a reasonable person fear of imminent and serious physical violence.”  Farris v. Johnson, 222 Or App 377, 381 (2008).  None of the expressive conduct in which respondent did engage involved such a threat.

The requirement of a threat stems from Hanzo v. deParrie, 152 Or App 525, 543-544 (1998).  There, radical anti-abortion activists — members of the faction of their movement that had, contemporaneously, killed or injured doctors who performed abortions in other states — aggressively protested on multiple occasions outside the home of a Portland doctor who performed abortion, verbally berating her, as well as making harassing phone calls and taking other steps to confront her.  Id. at 527-534.  Nonetheless, the Court of Appeals held that this conduct did not constitute stalking.

The Hanzo court determined that the stalking laws could not be constitutionally applied to any expressive conduct, even in a civil case, unless (1) that conduct represented “a threat or something that does not meaningfully differ from one”; (2) the petitioner actually felt “fear or apprehension of a danger to personal safety”; and (3) the fear or apprehension petitioner felt was objectively reasonable.  Id. at 542, quoting State v. Rangel, 146 Or App 571, 577-578 (1997), aff’d, Rangel, supra, 328 Or 294.  The court went on to explain that, given the requirement that expressive conduct constitute a threat or its equivalent before it can count as a predicate contact,

a civil [stalking protective order] can constitutionally issue only if that expression or other associated conduct so unambiguously, unequivocally, and specifically communicated the respondent’s determination to cause harm that an objectively reasonable person in the petitioner’s situation would fear for his or her personal safety, or for the safety of a member of his or her immediate family or household.

Hanzo, 152 Or App at 544.

The conduct at issue here plainly fails to pass that test, as the Court should have determined in 2006.  In the tribe.net messages at issue, respondent expressed his intention to attend the film screening and then, later, his thoughts about the film and the meaning of the invitation.  Tr 20-21, 36-37.  Petitioner never introduced any evidence that these messages unambiguously, unequivocally, and specifically communicated the respondent’s determination to cause harm.  Indeed, petitioner never bothered to introduce the text of the messages at all.

Even if the petitioner felt subjective apprehension and it was objectively reasonable for her to do so, all expressive predicate contacts must pass the Rangel threat test.  Michieli v. Morgan, 192 Or App 550, 555 (2004).  Petitioner’s failure even to meet her burden of production as to the threat test, much less demonstrate that the tribe.net messages pass it, means that the Court should find that neither tribe.net message constituted a threat, and, in turn, that neither constituted a predicate contact.

The Court should make the same findings about the meeting between Balmer and respondent outside CNF.  Again, there was no evidence of a threat at all, much less an unambiguous, unequivocal, and specific threat.  Petitioner was not present.  Balmer’s testimony about the content of respondent’s communication was wholly anodyne.  Balmer said he was a “little bit” alarmed or surprised, Tr 22, that respondent had decided to speak with him in person, but was unable to testify — even when petitioner’s counsel was questioning him — that he actually felt fear for his own or petitioner’s safety.  Tr 24.  Petitioner’s subjective fear of respondent, Tr 18, cannot make an expressive contact with a third party into a predicate contact unless that contact passes the Rangel threat test.  The CNF meeting did not.

Even if the Court found that nonexpressive elements of the meeting with Balmer somehow made that meeting qualify as a predicate contact, the tribe.net messages, which amount to pure expression, still do not qualify, due to their utter failure to constitute threats.  The status of the CNF meeting on this analysis would be unavailing to petitioner, because no single contact can support the issuance of a stalking protective order by itself.  Farris, 222 Or App at 383, citing ORS 163.730(7) (“defining ‘[r]epeated’ as ‘two or more times’”) and Jennings v. Gifford, 211 Or App 192, 197 (2007); see also Putzier v. Moos, 193 Or App 80 (2004) (summarily reversing stalking protective order when two of three alleged contacts were nonthreatening instances of expression).  Since petitioner either did not establish any predicate contacts or, at worst, did not establish more than one, the Court should grant respondent’s motion.

III.            THE COURT SHOULD AWARD RESPONDENT REASONABLE ATTORNEY FEES AND COSTS AND DISBURSEMENTS.

If the Court grants respondent’s motion, the Court should award respondent his costs and disbursements associated with litigating the motion.  As the prevailing party, he would be entitled to costs and disbursements under ORCP 68 B, including the prevailing party fee established in ORS 20.190(1)(b).

Respondent should also be able to recover reasonable attorney fees under ORCP 68 C.  ORS 30.866(4)(c) provides that “[t]he plaintiff” in an action for a court’s stalking protective order may recover reasonable attorney fees but is silent as to whether or not the respondent may recover them.

Respondent contends that for the legislature to create a one-sided right to recover attorney fees in a stalking action violates the guarantee in Article I, Section 20 of the Oregon Constitution that “[n]o law shall be passed granting to any citizen or class of citizens privileges, or immunities, which, upon the same terms, shall not equally belong to all citizens.”  It also violates the right to a remedy guaranteed in Article I, Section 10.

Further, nonreciprocal recovery of attorney fees is deprecated by Oregon’s public policy.  Jewell v. Triple B. Enterprises, Inc., 290 Or 885 (1981) (relying on ORS 20.096(1), which requires modification of contracts permitting attorney fee awards to one party only); Benchmark Northwest, Inc. v. Sambhi, 191 Or App 520 (2003) (same).

Finally, the Lane County Circuit Court has awarded attorney fees to a respondent in a stalking case as a sanction under ORCP 17 D.  Mathews v. Hutchcraft, 221 Or App 479 (2008) (dismissing petitioner’s appeal of attorney fee award after petitioner appealed from wrong judgment).  The Court should allow respondent’s motion for attorney fees.

CONCLUSION

For the foregoing reasons, the Court should hold a hearing on respondent’s motion and, after considering the evidence and argument offered in support of the motion, enter an order terminating the stalking protective order and relieving respondent of its prospective application.  The Court should further order petitioner to pay respondent reasonable attorney fees and costs and disbursements.

Respectfully submitted this ____ day of May, 2009,
Bear Wilner-Nugent, OSB # 044549, Counsel for Respondent

CERTIFICATE OF SERVICE

I hereby certify that I served a true and complete copy of the foregoing RESPONDENT’S MOTION TO TERMINATE STALKING PROTECTIVE ORDER AND MEMORANDUM OF LAW on Robert Callahan, attorney for petitioner Catherine Lynne Carter, by mailing or hand-delivering a true copy thereof to said attorney’s office at 405 Northwest 18th Avenue, Portland, Oregon 97209, on this ____ day of May, 2009.


[1] Transcript citations are from the April 21, 2006 hearing.  The transcript is attached.  Citations to exhibits refer to the exhibits presented at that hearing.  For respondent’s understanding, as 2006, of the chronology of events preceding the hearing, see generally Ex 101.

[2] In February, 2006, respondent also sent another letter to petitioner, care of Cooper’s office.  That letter was returned to him.  Ex 103; Tr 38, 47-48.

[3] Although the Edwards court had before it a stalking order initiated through a complaint filed with a law enforcement agency rather than a complaint filed in court, 203 Or App at 274 n.3, the procedural analysis should be the same.  This is because the underlying substantive law and burden of persuasion are identical in either circumstance, as is the term used by the Legislative Assembly to describe the resulting order (a “court’s stalking protective order”).  Compare ORS 30.866(1)(a) to (c) with ORS 163.738(2)(a)(B)(i) to (iii).

[4] While respondent has communicated with Balmer, petitioner has never introduced evidence that respondent did so with intent to affect Balmer’s relationship with petitioner, which is what ORS 163.730(3)(h) forbids.  Petitioner testified that respondent’s contact with Balmer made her concerned for her own safety.  Tr 18.  She said nothing about its effect on her relationship with Balmer, much less respondent’s intent to have any effect on that relationship.  Balmer, for his part, testified that he did not take anything respondent said as “threatening either directly or overtly to [him] regarding [his] relationship with [petitioner].”  Tr 24.  Petitioner will not be able to introduce any such evidence on the hearing on this motion, either.

[5] In Benaman, the court did state that “the court’s function in determining whether a [stalking protective order] should be terminated is not to re-evaluate the correctness of the original order.”  213 Or App at 476.  This statement, however, cannot be read to limit respondent’s ability to bring a motion to terminate the stalking protective order in this case based on the ground of insufficiency of the evidence, because the Benaman court did not have such a motion before it.  Since the quoted passage was not necessary to the decision in Benaman, in other words, it was dicta, and is not binding on this Court.  Indeed, what the Benaman court meant — as can be seen by reading the quoted passage in context — is simply that the correct resolution of a motion to terminate a stalking protective order on the basis of changed circumstances does not depend on the original validity of the order.  This analytical distinction between independent legal theories for terminating a stalking protective order is reflected in the way the arguments are arranged in this memorandum.

Penciled Letter after Carter Fails to Appear at Mediation

A hand-written letter to the designated mediator, a well-known jurist whose lifework was mediation around family-court-type issues to divert cases from the conventional court system. This mediation was suggested by a Portland Police Detective and, to our great astonishment, agreed to by Carter. Carter failed to appear, however, and so I spent almost $1000 in attorney fees and half a day from work to sit alone in a conference room, without so much as a courtesy hello.

Judge Lamar,

I don’t know if you’ve ever read a book titled Gideon’s Trumpet, but a pencil figures significantly in it, and so I thought I would take a moment to write you in pencil.

I got a phone call from a detective who told me that Catherine Lynne Carter had reported a burglary and named me as the primary suspect. I laughed at him and told him I was sorry about that but no, I had no interest in taking a polygraph or giving a DNA swab for his convenience. The justice system, I explained, had not been just to me, and so long as Carter wanted to use that system to harass me she and he could both go hang. He suggested that perhaps we should consider mediation, so I paid a lawyer $200 to suggest such a thing and scheduled an appointment with you at 1:00 today.

The purpose of this mediation was to help Ms. Carter begin to address some of her irrational fears within a safe space, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I arrived at your office, where your assistant treated me as if I were a leper and shuttled Mr. Wilner and I into a side room. Without doing me so much as the courtesy of looking at me, I sat in that room for an hour and was dismissed, unseen, unheard and disregarded.

I don’t know what your class background is, but I took a half day from work and paid Mr. Wilner over half a month’s wages to be disrespected in this way. Having been involved in non-violence work and facilitation since the mid-1980’s I did not see anything resembling mediation today. It was all about you, your opinions, and judgement. I left unheard.

I feel that you wasted a huge opportunity, in teaching me something other than I had hoped for. I wasted a lot of my money and lots of people’s time today, in hopes of helping, of being seen and heard.

I am sorry that this didn’t work out, and I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

(signed) Rory Bowman

Bowman Attorney Proposes Mediation

November 20, 2008

Robert Callahan, Esq
Northwest Law Center
405 Northwest 18th Avenue
Portland, Oregon 97209

Dear Mr Callahan,

I am writing you again about the matter of Catherine Carter and Rory Bowman. As we discussed a couple of months ago, Mr. Bowman intends to file a motion to vacate the permanent stalking order that Ms. Carter previously attained against him. The deadline that I set for Ms. Carter to voluntarily move for vacatur – September 30, has come and gone, and we still intend to set this process in motion.

Mr. Bowman and I have had further discussions, however, and before returning to court we would like to propose an alternate solution that would be less expensive and less stressful for all parties. We would like to arrange a meeting where Ms. Carter, you, Mr. Bowman and I can gather with a professional mediator to reach a settlement that will give Ms. Carter the assurances of security she needs while freeing Mr. Bowman from the unnecessary and unjustified stigma of a formal stalking order. I have some candidate mediators in mind, but of course this should be someone who is acceptable to everyone involved, and I have no attachment to a particular professional. Results are what matter.

Please let me know by December 5 what Ms Carter’s response is to this proposal. I look forward to hearing from you. I am confident that we can come up with a mediated agreement that will allow everyone involved to close this chapter in their lives.

Respectfully,
Bear Wilner-Nugent

This Day in Crazy

Personal journal entry from 18 November 2008.

I began my day with an interesting phone call from a Portland police detective. Apparently Catherine Lynne Carter has accused me of felony burglary, and the good detective would like me to consent to a DNA swab and a polygraph. I pause to savor the richness of my situation.

A woman whom I have not spoken with in years, whom has accused me of various misdeeds before the court system and presumably lied about me in other contexts as well. Now, having seen some misfortune, she wants to blame that on me as well. Her guilty conscience tells her that she deserves to be punished, and she wants to believe she is important enough that I would bother. I tell the nice detective that I would be delighted to help his investigation if and when his complainant agrees to vacate the bogus order and charges she has made against me. He says he does not want to be made a pawn and I suggest that he talk to Cate Carter about that. I am not presently inclined to assist Ms. Carter’s abuse of the court system, up to and including false felony claims.

The detective suggested that perhaps some sort of mediation and bond would be a way for us to put this behind us, and I ask him if he would like to arrange it. He declines and I tell him that I’ll get back to him this week.

I contact a criminal lawyer and ask him what is the best way to proceed. For a just man the world is all the weapon he needs, and Carter’s self-centered love of her privilege and property shall work on her in ways I could never hope to.

Personal journal entry from 20 November 2008

Recollection of phone conversation with detective Dan Andrew of PPB southeast precinct.

On or about 4:45 pm on Monday afternoon, 17 November 2008, I received a voicemail message from someone identifying himself as detective Andrew of the Portland Police Bureau. I was driving and tried to do an automatic call-back from my cell phone, but there was no return number. Listening to the number again, I tried to memorize it and dial it back but apparently misheard the number and so reached a voicemail number that had not been set up. After coming to a stop (later that afternoon or the next morning) I listened to the message again and phoned with my contact information to (503) 823-5031.

At approximately 8:50-8:55 on Tuesday morning, 18 November 2008, I received another phone call from a man who identified himself as detective Dan Andrew of PPB southeast precinct, who advised me that I was the primary suspect in a residential burglary involving Catherine Carter. My memory is that he said the burglary had occurred in southwest Portland, and that Carter had named me as the primary suspect based on a comment I had posted to Kevin Balmer’s Tribe.net blog on or about 11:40am on Sunday, 21 September 2008, the entire content of which read “You have nine days to help save approximately $10,000. Please do so.” This comment at http://people.tribe.net/heaveekevee/blog/7d2f3ec0-9cfe-4154-9c09-7f25d644cf38 was allegedly conveyed to Ms. Carter, whom interpreted it as a “veiled threat.” The detective advised me that the burglary had taken place at approximately the time indicated and that approximately $10,000 worth of property was taken, including jewelry and things that had belonged to her deceased mother. The detective then asked me to explain the comment.

I explained that the comment was a reference to a civil case I was bringing against Ms. Carter and that the $10,000 was the estimated cost to both parties of the case that I anticipated proceeding with at the end of September, 2008. I expressed my regret that Ms. Carter had been victimized, noting that the death of her mother was the single central event of Carter’s life, but that I knew nothing of the burglary, had not spoken with Carter for more than ten years and did not have any idea where she lived or worked. The detective asked me if I would be willing to submit to a DNA swab and a polygraph in relation to the case and I laughed at him, indicating that I thought Ms. Carter was crazy and that I had no interest in assisting her in any way so long as the civil matter between us was unsettled.

Detective Andrew said that there seemed to be some sort of odd issue between Carter and myself, which I confirmed, explaining that she has claimed that I wanted to kill her and has twice subpoenaed me with suits seeking a restraining order. Andrew said that this seemed odd, given that the relationship was not even a marriage and that both of us had “moved on with our lives,” noting that I seemed to be doing well and that I did not match the normal profile of a burglar. I confirmed that I had indeed moved on and was doing well, with my own business and a solid relationship of approximately seven years in duration. Andrew asked if my current partner lived with me and I confirmed that she did, asking her (she was in the room) what year she had moved in, 2002 or 2003? Our recollection was that my partner Anja had lived with me in Vancouver for at least five years, and that this was one of the reasons that I felt Carter was not mentally well.

Andrew began to question me about the nature of my relationship with Carter and why she would think I would want to burgle her residence. I explained that her charges against me made me look “like a wife-beater” and damaged my career choices, given that my vocational degrees were in criminal justice and public-school teaching, both of which involved background checks. Andrew expressed that Carter was also concerned that I had posted about her past drug history on the Internet and that this showed up well in Google searches into her, suggesting that it might be possible for the five of us (Andrew, Carter, myself and our lawyers) for mediation. I laughed again and told him that this was an innovative application of community policing, and that I would be open to such a meeting if he would like to arrange it. He indicated that it would be odd for him to suggest such a meeting as a condition of my cooperation, and I told him that I would contact my attorney about possibly arranging such a meeting and the possibilities for my future cooperation in this criminal case. I laughed again and suggested that this was probably more interesting than other cases, and Andrew said that it was just more complicated, but that he would like to eliminate me as a suspect, since he assumed that Carter was the “random victim” of a burglary by “some tweaker” and that he didn’t “give a rat’s ass” about our relationship. I told him that I would discuss the matter with my attorney and have someone get back to him, before the call ended amicably.

My recollection is that the entire conversation lasted approximately 20-30 minutes, because I left the house as I had planned to at the time of the call, and was approximately that late to my first appointment at [client name redacted] in southwest Portland.

16:21 @ Java House

Had a sobering conversation with my criminal attorney, Bear Wilner-Nugent, this morning. He advised me that even spurious charges could be a pain, as they could create a warrant and as much as two weeks in jail while I worked to post bond. I laughed but have to admit that yes, I am smart and confident and believe I am in the right: a dangerous combination. I agreed to keep my mouth shut and not even to give much information to Anja.  Bear met with me and sent a letter to Callahan, offering to meet in regards to the matter.

16:27

Just got a quick three-minute phone call from Bear saying that the detective had returned his call and asserted that he did not have enough evidence to charge. Bear volunteered that we had no interest in giving him any more evidence, and noted that a polygraph would be inadmissible and the detective claimed that he was currently awaiting a return call from Carter about the case. Whether Andrew really is interested in helping to arrange a meeting or mediation I have no idea, but we’ve done our due diligence and Bear has started the meter. If there are calls and negotiations from Callahan, he’ll let me know, but for now it sounds as if nothing else shall follow. What a fucking pain in the ass and semi-unwelcome bit of excitement. In our conversation this morning Bear indicated that it would not surprise him if CLC was the sort of person who would blame me for any misfortune, and sympathetically noted that she definitely seemed a bit obsessed. On the theory that all action is communication, I’m hoping that her mention of me was some sort of subconscious reaching out, which indicates a willingness to rationally engage. It is not the way to bet, I know, but a girl can dream, eh? What a waste of brain cycles.

I am glad she is not dead, nor that this call from a detective was to identify [another former friend recently in crisis].

Tribe K: Fair Warning

From http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/ceb566e4-b1fc-44a7-9700-f5276acecf9d

Kevin Balmer in exhibit 202, case 060303051.

Kevin Balmer in exhibit 202, case 060303051.

Immediately after Cate Carter’s second summons to court, I wrote a long letter on the entire thing to send out to friends who had not heard the whole story. I also sent a copy to Kevin Balmer, along with a copy of “Peacemaking Among Primates,” the book I had been reading to suspect him of goodwill. I felt his good health was ample proof I did not mean him harm, but how does one prove a negative? Carter and Balmer understand violence as worms understand the sea. I even a sent a thank-you letter to Carter’s lawyer, for being civil while he called me an evil genius. This would end peacefully, rationally and in court, so I might as well explain what my plan was. A competent billiards player will always call his shots, and I didn’t want there to be any doubts as to who I was and what I was doing.

After two years I went down to the courthouse and was told the judge was wrong. There was no simple way to “clear my record.” Had I committed any crime? No, I explained. Had I violated a court order? No, again. Was there a conviction of any sort, probation, parole or restitution? No again, on all counts. Well then, they couldn’t help me. “Excuse me?” I asked. The judge said I could get this rescinded. Not really, they explained, but I might want to hire a lawyer. I made a mental note to go re-read some Kafka.

A woman had left me in 1998, promising to contact me later that year. When she didn’t, I had tried to return some things of hers, was insulted and accused of planning to kill her. A judge threw that out and I sent two letters to perhaps make peace. She freaked out some more, and then again a few years later. Afraid that some poor idiot with a pistol might endanger someone (like himself, or her, or me) through fear, I offer to meet him, which is interpreted as a third attempt on her life. Okay, young judge, knock yourself out! A restraining order against me annoys me for nothing, but presumably makes her look very important to her friends.

I like to think that I understand a little bit about violence, and I certainly understand the limits of the law. Something stupid has turned into something shitty, and I had finally let myself get angry at a clueless twit. A daughter of privilege had used the courts against me, insulting me in a way no man would dare. Whether she is crazy or not did not matter. This needs to go away, and she should pay the attorney.

As a point of honor I gave her boys three fair warnings, before proceeding to embarrass us both publicly and in court. I don’t want to see Cate Carter. Catherine Lynne Carter has nothing to give me. Kate Carter is a clueless daughter of privilege who plays seamstress to her friends and pretends she is a designer. No femme fatale, she is merely delusional. She mas moved from pitiful to being mostly annoying. Whether she is crazy or not, I shall break our legal ties. Carter may wish to bind herself to me, but I am done.

Cate Carter’s drug lawyer has been sent a letter, explaining that she has until September 30 to vacate her previous suit and order against me. Three warnings and these blog posts are more than enough to clear my conscience for the ugly and distasteful work ahead. Having inoculated myself against some of her blackmail, I shall now proceed to saw through her legal trap or the leg it holds with a clean conscience. She is a disgrace to herself and others, and shall be shown such in public court.

I want my reputation back. I want safety from her blackmail. I want her to stop aggrandizing herself, using the court system against me, and crying wolf in a way that hurts women who face real violence.

“You do not know these northern people,” a southern general once reportedly explained to a rash colleague: “They are deliberate, slow to anger, and thorough.” I proved myself passionate and loyal years ago, and then both patient and merciful. Now is the time to be calm and clinical. Three times three is nine, and nine days remain.

Bobbie Callahan’s phone number remains (503) 228-0930.

http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/c2caa0d6-5488-4e80-a5a5-db763208aa70
http://askasexywomananything.tribe.net/thread/cadd5309-6f9d-4a7e-8e8d-f68cc09edc6e
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/6ade6ee1-ef37-4f4a-84c7-46d92c425e08
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/fa8692f1-7e81-4934-80a8-66239f2fa4a4
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/2b2ec689-57f0-4e53-8419-948901984656
http://askasexywomananything.tribe.net/thread/6f504dc0-21c0-4ef5-a89f-1466dcf61ac1
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/555af724-0e63-4da4-bd28-4cfa2a3281b2
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/8cf65f99-d9d6-4898-845a-e5d6e27328d2
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/7c937de6-6148-468d-9636-243a6bcee4ba
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/ef1ac182-6ffa-46ad-ad8a-b89fb1295ce1
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/611ff089-4b89-4480-b7dc-cb3e0a9bf6cc
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/ceb566e4-b1fc-44a7-9700-f5276acecf9d

Comment from N on Mon, September 22, 2008 – 4:21 PM

Fighting the good fight, well alright Mac! Hope it finally turns out right.

PPB Investigation Report 05131, Case 08093047

A Portland Police Bureau patch.

A Portland Police Bureau patch.

Portland Police Bureau Investigation Report 05131

Case number 08-093047 Burg FE Residence
Reported: 09/20/08 @ 2011
Occurred: 09/20/08 1230-2000

PERSONS

  • Victim CARTER, Catherine L.  Female White
    [DOB, home address and phone number redacted]
  • Suspect BOWMAN, Rory,  Male White

PROPERTY

  • Damaged: Entry door, $200
  • Stolen: Full box of personal checks, Washington Mutual Bank, $10.
  • Stolen: Laptop Computer, Apple MacBook Pro 17: $2000
  • Stolen: External Hard Drive, Lacie 250 GB, $80
  • Stolen: Silver Nikon Coolpix Digital Camera, $100
  • Stolen: Antique pearl necklace, 24″ Mikimoto pearls w platinum clasp. 5mm pearl attached to clasp, $5000
  • Stolen: Small women’s Seiko watch, 3/4″ face in 14K gold w a brown band, $200
  • Stolen: Antique Chinese bracelet, discs of 28kt gold, $1000
  • Stolen: Loose polished opals in a small bag, various sizes, $800
  • Stolen: Ring, gold band with teardrop cut opal, 4 small diamonds, $400
  • Stolen: Work identification: Adidas swipe key, $25
  • Stolen: Rolled quarters, $20

NARRATIVE

#8) Radio call of a burglary to the listed address. Upon arrive (VI) Carter was waiting outside. She lives in a secure apartment building. The apartments are above first floor restaurants and businesses. There are three ways into the apartments that are on the second and third floor. Each floor has three key accessed doors. I checked all three and none appear to have been forced.

(VI) Carter lives on the third floor fo the most rear apartment. We cleared the apartment to make sure no suspects were inside. Upon arriving at the door to the apartment, the deadbolt and door handle lock had been forced. They were pried by multiple strikes against each one. Entry and exit can only be made through this door. There was one of (VI) Carter’s shirts on the floor outside the apartment door.

After clearing the apartment I had (VI) Carter come inside and begin to locate missing property and where items were moved or misplaced. I called Identification Division at 2035 hours to process the residence for prints.

There are three floors to this apartment. After entering the apartment there is a room that is her work space. In this room a box of personal checks were taken from a desk. Other items were moved, but no other items appeared to be taken. Up the stairs from this room is the main living area on the second floor. All other items listed were taken from this room. The third floor is a loft style bedroom. (VI) Carter stated nothing was disturbed in the bedroom. The shirt left outside was from the second floor.

(VI) Carter makes clothing and dress accessories. She uses jewelry to include loose gem stones in her work. One item taken was a bag of several loose opals. Two unique items are the string of pearls and the Chinese bracelet. The string of pearls is described in the property area. The Chinese bracelet is several discs of 28 kt gold, approximately each disc with one of four different patterns. The first pattern is of grass, the second is of a cherry blossom, the third is a maple leaf, the fourth pattern could not be remembered by (VI) Carter. Both the necklace and the bracelet are antiques that belonged to her mother.

I gave (VI) Carter my business card with the case number for this incident. I gave her both the red sheet and the white tri-fold pamphlet about crime prevention and information to burglary victims. Last, I gave and explained a Special Report for additional items found taken from the location. As I was finishing, the criminalist arrived to process the location. I knocked at the three neighboring apartments and had no response. There is no suspect at this time.

It should be noted that (VI) Carter has been stocked [sic] by a boyfriend she broke up with approximately 10 years ago. His name is (SB) Bowman. She has a permanent stalking order out of Multnomah County on him. The order number is 0603-03051. (VI) Carter felt he was not involved. (SB) Bowman has not been in this residence and his fingers should not be found there. Over the past few months (SB) Bowman has been trying to remove the order.

Fulitano DPSST 35225

Identification Division Special Report 08-093047

I responded to the listed location regarding a burglary investigation. When I arrived I contacted (CO) Carter. Carter showed me the point of entry and items the suspect/s may have touched. The suspect/s gained entry by prying open the front door.

I processed the point of entry, a plastic tray, a glass jar, the top of the printer, several pieces of paper, a plastic binder, the glass from a display case and two containers.

I found no latents of value.

Schleich A, DPSST 36817

Portland Police Bureau Special Report Supplemental 08-093047

Date This Report: 09/22/08 2037

[Contact info for Carter, Bowman, Balmer redacted]

8. R/C to listed location regarding a follow up to a previously reported residential burglary. Upon arrival I contacted (VI) Carter who was visibly shaken and upset. Ms CARTER told me that she has a Stalking Protection Order agianst (SB) BOWMAN. About a month ago BOWMAN’s attorney forwarded a letter authored by BOWMAN to Ms. CARTER’S attorney. The gist of the letter is that BOWMAN wants the Stalking Order vacated and that if it wasn’t, “things would start happening, including legal action.”

Tonight, Ms. CARTER got an email from (SB) Balmer who is a former boyfriend. BALMER has an online blog on the web site people.tribe.net. BALMER informed Ms. CARTER that BOWMAN had posted a comment on his (BALMER’S) blog on 09/21/08 at 1140 hours. The comment reads “You have nine days to save approximately $10,000. Please do so.” BOWMAN’s photo and user name is posted next to the comment. Ms. CARTER states the dollar value of the items stolen in the burglary to be in the $15,000 range, so she believes this posting is a reference to her property. The people.tribe.net web site is a members only site. BOWMAN is aware of this site and BALMER and CARTER’s prior relationship, and he has made postings on this site in the past as a means to contact CARTER.

BALMER e-mailed Ms. CARTER a screen shot of the blog comments and she provided me with a printed copy. BOWMAN’s comments do not fit in with the other posted comments. Ms. CARTER was unable to access the people.tribe.net site or BALMER’s blog to show me what was being commented on. Ms. CARTER said that BOWMAN is a computer (Mac) technician and very proficient with computers and technology and may have done something to the DSL router in her apartment, if he was the one who broke in.

Ms. CARTER said that BALMER is currently out of town but is available by phone and/or email and will cooperate with any further investigation regarding BOWMAN. I placed the copy of the blog comments into evidence, receipt #1125341.

A.E. Edgecomb, DPBSST 21339

Retention Letter and Caution against Defamation

28 July 2008

Robert Callahan, Esq
Northwest Law Center
405 Northwest 18th Avenue
Portland, Oregon 97209

Dear Mr Callahan,

You have represented Catherine Lynne Carter in stalking case no. 060303051, Carter v Bowman. I now represent Rory Bowman in that case.

I have taken the time to conduct a thorough review of the court filings in Carter v Bowman, together with other relevant information including correspondence between the parties. It is my legal opinion that there was never sufficient basis for a temporary stalking order validly to issue, much less a permanent order. I am confident that, had Mr. Bowman been represented by counsel at the trial of the matter, no permanent order would have been granted.

This letter is intended, therefore, to serve as notice that Mr. Bowman intends to move within the next few months for an order vacating the permanent stalking order. Whether you continue to represent Ms. Carter or not, I would appreciate it if you would be so kind as to let her know that this is the plan. We are providing ample notice because Ms. Carter may wish to save the time and money that further litigation of this matter will inevitably entail. She can do so my making her own motion to vacate the permanent stalking order no later than September 30, 2008. If she does not take that step, Mr. Bowman will pursue all relief available to him within the bounds of the law.

While Ms. Carter is reviewing her options, I would ask you, as her counsel, to pass on one additional word of advice. The fact that she currently has a stalking order against Mr. Bowman does not give Ms. Carter the right to defame him. It has come to my attention that Ms. Carter may have made false and injurious statements about Mr. Bowman to their community of peers and online on tribe.net. If this is in fact true, it could serve as a basis for further legal action against her. Ms. Carter should take care to avoid any potentially defamatory statements in future.

I look forward to your or Ms. Carter’s reply and, in the event that you no longer represent Ms. Carter, I appreciate your professional courtesy in transmitting this letter to her.

Respectfully,
Bear Wilner-Nugent

Tribe I: Invisigoth

From http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/ef1ac182-6ffa-46ad-ad8a-b89fb1295ce1

A dramatic cry for attention from Cate/Invisigoth.

A dramatic cry for attention from Cate/Invisigoth.

After the 2003 birthday letter went so well, I continued to see mentions of Cate Carter around Portland. I saw her on the street near an outdoor rental place one day. She was mentioned in a local paper I did computer work for. Some clients of mine knew her. A friend of mine who did not know we had parted phoned, asking about her when CLC applied for job. She was behind me once at a stoplight, took part in a crafts fair with a friend, that sort of thing. Having begun to suspect that she was not well, I avoided her, knowing that I was easy to find. When a client of mine suggested in November 2005 that I try hanging out on a social-networking site called Tribe for possible Macintosh consulting gigs, I was a bit surprised to see Carter there, but did nothing. She would see me eventually and contact me if she wished. I was not looking for trouble. How little did I know.

I had been on Tribe for a few weeks when my girlfriend asked me if I had contacted Catherine Lynne Carter (Kate Carter was now known as Cate). No, I responded. Why did she ask? “Because she’s got this weird posting on PDX that I think is about you.” Sure enough, the self-indulgent little twit had posted to the city-wide group under the headline “Personal Security Issue – Need Your Help.”  “Dear Family,” it began: “An individual has popped up on Tribe in the last week who should not have access to my contact information,” asking that people “Please, please, please do not give out my phone number or address to ANYONE on tribe,” as if online hipsters gave such data to strangers. This was followed by her change of her screen name from “Cate” to “Invisigoth,” which struck me as very odd, and possibly some kind of self-serving trick.

Having done some actual stalking (the kind that involves a license and ends with a bullet and venison) I have never seen a prey animal sense danger and then announce itself. Some may bolt if approached, but first they freeze. What Carter was doing simply didn’t make sense. I had been on Tribe longer than she asserted. No reasonable person would do what she cautioned against. And why did she not simply “cloak” her profile? There are a lot of reasons for a computer person to be on a social-networking site, and a quick glance at my profile clearly showed I was looking for clients. Had I wished to, Carter has never been difficult to find. I mean, I have a degree in criminal justice, years of martial experience, and am a computer expert. Yet here she was ham-handedly claiming to be a victim. It didn’t smell right. When I contacted a friend and asked what to do, her advice was simple. “Nothing. She’s just playing the drama queen.” I agreed, and ignored her.

Shortly after the city-wide posting stunt, I received my first Tribe “invitation,” to attend a film screening for a project I’d heard of. A colleague of mine who had worked as a technical writer was in a graduate program where a group of PSU students inventoried potential agricultural sites; this “diggable city” project had been featured on KBOO radio, and fit into some long-term interests of mine. I RSVP’ed my acceptance (the third person to do so), and within twenty minutes was followed immediately by Cate. Upon closer examination, the person inviting me was Kevin Balmer, who looked online to be CLC’s boyfriend. Having recently been reading a book called “Peacemaking Among Primates,” I interpreted the invite as back-channel communication and attended the January 28 screening with my sweetie, clearly sitting dead in the center of the theater where I was easy to spot, find or avoid. When I was not approached at the screening I decided this was bullshit: No clients were worth such drama. For my own sense of poetry, I decided to leave Tribe and did so on Cate’s birthday, February 25, as a goodwill gesture.

During much of this Kevin Balmer, the boyfriend who had invited me, had intermittently been changing his avatar to one of him pointing a pistol at the viewer. Such puerility is fairly common on MySpace, but unusual on Tribe. Given Cate’s long history of gaining attention by calling for help, I considered the possibility that she was lying to Balmer, which annoyed me. As a man, I hated being so lied to, so decided to contact Balmer directly, man-to-man. My own brother had been inordinately fond of guns, and fools with guns kill the wrong people. I did not want Balmer getting all worked up, nor either of them living in her fictitious, self-serving fear. Whether this was a classic Karpman drama triangle or something else, I suspected that Carter was crazy, playing a game, or both.

One of the main reasons I could not figure out what Carter thought she was doing was because of the pseudonym she had chosen. “Invisigoth” is a character from an old X-Files episode, which originally aired in February of 1998. It featured an attractive, technically-savvy young woman who was being hunted by an omnipotent artificial intelligence who was out (if memory serves) to kill her and her boyfriend. I remember the episode clearly because watching it was one of the last things Kate and I did together, just before she moved out. Both of us had admired the wit of the name and Cate remarked that she would use that name if she ever needed to go underground. I made some joke that it wouldn’t work to escape my notice and she countered that she would never use it to avoid me. As a literature major from Reed College, I assumed that she would have remembered the character and the circumstances and the conversation. So if she was Invisigoth, was I supposed to be the AI? Why use that name if avoiding me?  My clear assumption was that a sane person wouldn’t. She wanted attention, and was trying to draw me in. Fuck that, I said, and left Tribe.

A week or so later, out of respect for her and Balmer, I chose just one more small, parting gesture. I do so love poetry, and narrative completion.

Such gestures have long been my folly.

http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/c2caa0d6-5488-4e80-a5a5-db763208aa70
http://askasexywomananything.tribe.net/thread/cadd5309-6f9d-4a7e-8e8d-f68cc09edc6e
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/6ade6ee1-ef37-4f4a-84c7-46d92c425e08
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/fa8692f1-7e81-4934-80a8-66239f2fa4a4
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/2b2ec689-57f0-4e53-8419-948901984656
http://askasexywomananything.tribe.net/thread/6f504dc0-21c0-4ef5-a89f-1466dcf61ac1
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/555af724-0e63-4da4-bd28-4cfa2a3281b2
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/8cf65f99-d9d6-4898-845a-e5d6e27328d2
http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/7c937de6-6148-468d-9636-243a6bcee4ba

Comment from C on Fri, July 18, 2008 – 8:05 AM

Crazy chix rawk ;-}

Reply to Comment on Sun, July 20, 2008 – 7:14 AM

They can be quite beautiful, and the early sex is often hot, but as a long-term strategy they are unsound. Cate and I were friends for many years before we fucked, and to lose a friend and gain a legal attacker was a questionable trade for a few months of hot, high-status sex.

If I had it to do over again, I suspect I would, but I would recognize the first legal attack as irrationality and have mourned her for dead then. I have thought about this quite a bit over the years, and I think the key information I was missing was her undisclosed drug use. I can forgive a lot of things, given her apparent condition, but the legal stuff is perpetual and designed to stand forever.

“Crazy chix” are frequently frightened and sadly unhappy. Her privilege will protect her somewhat as she ages, but I think she would be happier if she addressed these basic issues. I can guarantee she would be happier were she to call off her legal attack on me. This is not a healthy way to ask one’s friends for attention.

Tribe H: Script-Breaking

From http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/7c937de6-6148-468d-9636-243a6bcee4ba

Melodrama thrives on triangles of villain, victim and rescuer.

Melodrama thrives on triangles of villain, victim and rescuer.

A woman whom I have never hit, threatened with physical violence or even spoken with in more than ten years is getting a lot of attention lately for claiming I want to hurt her. Based on a promised return of her property and two banal birthday letters over the course of five years, she has twice drug me into court where she claims to be in fear for her life. I believe she is in fear (and a lot of other things) but mostly I think she enjoys the attention. She has a long history of getting attention by feeling threatened, and there is no reason for her to change anything now. So long as clueless men want to feel protective and clueless women cluck and gather around her, she shall get the attention she needs.

This is all very well for her and her friends, but not so good for those falsely accused. The law she has used came out of the feminist movement and was part of a general goal to protect women against domestic violence and terror. The general assumption that the feminist movement promoted for years (myself included) was that one should always defer to a self-proclaimed victim, and always suspect men of villainy. Under these rules she brought me into court, had a lawyer tell demonstrable lies about me and got a young judge to grant her a restraining order, to continue not doing things I have not done. I am now tarred with the same brush as rapists of children and beaters of women, which displeases me. What can I do?

My first reaction was to stay silent and look hard within my soul. This person whom I had once loved deeply and valued more than my entire family must have special insight. I spent many years trying to figure out what I had done to make her so fearful. I was ashamed to have even been accused of such a thing, and thought that the flaw must certainly be in me. I got very angry and fantasized revenge, some of it quite theatrical, but mostly I brooded. She left me in 1998. I returned her stuff in 1999. I sent a last letter in 2003 and was called back to court in 2006. It wasn’t until 2007 that I allowed myself to get angry, and not until 2008 that I broke my silence.

In ten years of soul-searching and hard emotional work I had learned a few things and come to understandings. Whether she was malicious or crazy did not matter, because it became clear to me that both of us had been playing a script. I had committed to being the lifelong friend, and she the injured innocent. Both of these were bullshit, and far less interesting than telling truth, my truth, about what had happened. By telling my truth as I best understood it and publicly lancing the boil of my shame, I hoped to disinfect a festering wound, and perhaps provide some insight that might help others.

In a very old book called “Games People Play” an early self-help author by the name of Eric Berne describes a wide range of activities which are logical, but mostly subconscious. Out of this work grew various other theories, which have value, but one of the central things to emerge from this line of thought was something Stephen Karpman called a “drama triangle.” Huge parts of what I was experiencing and had experienced made sense within this triangle.

Karpman’s drama triangle is a melodramatic soap opera with an ensemble cast and three basic roles. For variety and to meet everyone’s needs, the roles change hands as the drama develops. This makes things more dramatic but (more importantly) interesting for the players. The three roles are straight out of The Perils of Pauline: there is a victim (classically a pretty white girl), a hero (Dudley Do-Right or equivalent) and a villain (Snidely Whiplash). I had allowed this woman, Catherine Lynne Carter, to draw me into a game I did not want to play, and my salvation was in breaking the script: a fundamental technique I had taught in self-defense. An attacker initiates their attack because they have certain psychological needs that they hope to play out through enacting a scene. One key way to disrupt any attack is to do something unexpected that “ruins” this scene. By “breaking the script” the attacker has in his head, one can quite effectively stop the attack without violence.

What Catherine Lynne Carter (Kate Cate Moonhare Invisigoth) had done was avoid her own psychological issues by substituting a simpler narrative. In her narrative she was a remarkable young woman, so beautiful and talented that men would die for her. When her choices helped create a situation where someone died, she freaked out. Overwhelmed, she did the logical thing and ran away, but ashamed of this she had to create a cover story. Her cover story was that I was a monster, some obsessed super-villain who had to hunt her down. What exactly I was to get by hunting her was uncertain but character development is tertiary to melodrama. If I was a villain, she was right to leave me, and if I was dangerous, she need never look back. Her game was to paint a plausible story of her victimhood, hoping I would play villain so that she could repeatedly draw in a series of well-meaning rescuers. And were I to accept, I could play too.

By accusing me of villainy, Carter invites me to play, only in MY game I get to be the victim. Falsely smeared in court, I could become a victim, except that the first judge would did not buy her story. Looking at my actions, my lack of threats and violence, he decided that I may have been a jerk, but that I was no danger, and so denied her motion. Playing my own game of loyal friend, I sent her a letter in 2003, and created an opening where she thought she could re-engage. When she saw me online three years after this, Carter initiated another round, only this time the story was better. Not only was I an obsessed psychopath, but I was an evil genius as well: I had a master’s degree in women’s studies, I had been an elite commando, I was cleverly using her boyfriend to try and get to her. When I decided it was not my job to dismiss irrelevancies, a younger judge bit, casting himself in the role of “rescuer” for the pretty white girl, and inviting me to play victim if I so chose. I did not.

Objectively speaking, I have certain skills. I can shoot. I hunt. I’ve been involved in martial arts off and on since I was fifteen years old. I could have killed Catherine Lynne Carter with my bare hands the day I met her, and my skills since then are exponentially improved. There are hundreds of people I could have thumped, yet I haven’t hit another person in anger since I was six. If a judge or her friends or the man on the moon wants to think that they have somehow prevented a basically non-violent person from killing a pretty white girl, go for it! Knock yourselves out. Imagine that your prayers have prevented sea monsters from overtaking Manhattan and meteors from striking the earth while you’re at it. No harm done. I know who I am, and I know what I’ve done. I also know what I can do, and what I haven’t done. What is the script, then, that Cate Carter is playing?

If you are a woman in mid-life who has not lived up to your hopes and dreams, it must be nice to have a stalker. If you have not made money, gotten a good degree, started a business that didn’t really fly but earned the admiration of a few close friends, a stalker gives you a certain panache and cachet. Yes, you can say, I have not lived up to the myth I’d set myself to be my mother, but at least I have a stalker, you can say. I would have done better, had it not been for my stalker. Are YOU so fabulous as to have earned the obsession of an evil genius? Well I’m sorry, dear. How ordinary. But you can bask in my reflected glory, and do small virtue by playing at protecting me. I like it when I get attention, you might say, and since there is no danger this is a win-win. Bullshit.

I call bullshit.

So long as people let themselves believe nonsense stories and indulge in self-serving melodrama, our culture will do crap like kill innocent people in Iraq. So long as we tell ourselves lies about our own virtue and deny the humanity of others, we increase the pain of the world. It feels great to think you are right all the time: ask any Republican. But it is a lie. “Those who believe absurdities will commit atrocities.”

I am no hero, neither rescuer nor victim. I will not remain silent for the convenience of a coward, and so I break a few convenient scripts.

Let those who would fawn over Cate Carter do so, but I am done. The script is broken, and I shall not play.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melodrama
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Perils_of_Pauline_%281914_serial%29
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle

Comment from F on Thu, June 26, 2008 – 1:04 PM

Disengage, cut the cord, leave this chapter of your life in the past as much as you can. It seems like you are still very connected to her psychologically. Why do you need her? You can work towards the closure you need without any involvement from her. Write letters to her and burn them, have imaginary conversations with an empty chair, but recognize that the two of you are a toxic combination that can’t be fixed. And I’m sure you have better things to do with your time.

Just some advice from someone who’s been there.

Reply to Comment on Thu, June 26, 2008 – 2:06 PM

I have cut the cord, more than once, but Carter engages the court system to legally bind herself to me in ways I find distasteful. Her legal shenanigans present certain long-term problems for me personally and professionally, and this writing allows me to inoculate myself against blackmail and other things until I decide to bring her back to court.

I assure you that I am bored with her almost spitless, but I estimate it will take a dozen or so (total) of these before I am ready for the third act. She lost the first round in court, then won a second by demonstrable falsehoods. Much of this is preparatory for a third act, where much of what I believe shall be on trial. By posting this I am methodically dismantling her nonsense, and hopefully providing some insight to myself and others.

The issue is not the relationship at all, but her insistence on insulting me and aggrandizing herself at my expense. So long as she and her lawyer have legally bound themselves to me, I’m going to use the cord for something educational.

I assure you that I play a much larger role inside her head than she does in mine. It would be quite flattering, if she was a better person. Since she is not, I do this: public privacy, for my own amusement, and in the interest of learning and sharing.

Comment from N on Thu, July 3, 2008 – 7:50 PM

The way I relate to your post here is how I once broke a script of my own and it was the most important thing I’ve ever done in my life. Of course I am speaking of the script where as the mother of a child that I surrendered to adoption, I was supposed to never see or speak of my baby again. It was the biggest sadness and heartache of my life and I missed my son every single day of my life for 21 years. I don’t know why one day I suddenly decided to break it, but break it I did, and I searched for him, found him, and for the last 8 years have had the pleasure of being a part of his life at last. Best thing, hands down, I ever did. Period. Of course, if he had said “I don’t want this, leave me alone” I would’ve been devastated but it still would’ve been better than never having taken that step at all. I hope you found the empowerment you deserve from the step you took and that it lends you strength to move on now. One of the hardest things to accept in life is that sometimes when you love someone very deeply and it is not returned, or even worse, mistaken for something bad, is that it is not your fault. It sounds like you are really getting that. Good on ya! Here’s to breaking bullshit scripts!

Tribe G: Birthday Letters

From http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/8cf65f99-d9d6-4898-845a-e5d6e27328d2

Ted Hughes mourned Sylvia Plath in Birthday Letters.

Ted Hughes' Birthday Letters mourned Sylvia Plath.

Daddy, I have had to kill you.
You died before I had time–
Marble-heavy, a bag full of God,
Ghastly statue with one gray toe
Big as a Frisco seal

Any semi-literate American woman between the ages of 30 and 60 will immediately recognize the name “Sylvia Plath.” An explicitly personal author and literary Janis Joplin, Plath was famous for three things: a 1963 novel (The Bell Jar), her suicide one month later, and a posthumously published collection of poetry, Ariel. The most-quoted poem from that collection is “Daddy,” which famously asserts that “every woman adores a Fascist.” A poet of modest talents on the global stage himself, her husband (Ted Hughes) was widely considered a murderer by some feminists, a complicit co-conspirator in Plath’s angelic death. Silent for decades on the matter, Hughes famously published a collection of poems just months before his own death in 1998. Titled Birthday Letters, this collection happened to highlight a personal custom of mine that began when I was fifteen.

It has been my goal, off and on, to write dear friends a birthday letter every year or three. Faced with the daunting task and commercialism of Christmas cards, I felt a short birthday letter each year was a more personal and humane way to keep in touch. Beginning in a time when telephone calls were expensive and stamps did not seem too cheap either, the custom has become something of an antiquarian oddity, often marked more by its breach than its observance, but one I have pretty much followed in my own journal and twice by mail with Catherine Lynne Carter. Big mistake.

After the ludicrous and confusing embarrassment of Carter’s subpoena and lawyer-fest of 1998, I spent a few years laying low and thinking. Brought up a feminist and coming of age in the late 1980’s, I had naive notions of masculine perfidy and feminist perfection in all things gendered. Elementary-school teacher, self-defense instructor and rape-prevention educator, I had spent years believing that most men were pigs, and that many of the manliest were pigs: child-raping, wife-beating drunks and lying bullies, whose word was always suspect and especially when at variance with the testimony of an inherently innocent and credible woman or child. That Kate Carter might be afraid of me was unthinkable, and that she would accuse me of wanting to kill her and misuse a statute written to address domestic abuse seemed to me bizarre, especially given what I saw as my clear tactical and strategic skills and (even in the worst of my depression) explicit courtesy. The only conclusion I could reach was in accordance with the judge’s of 1998: if not explicitly malicious, her alleged fears were clearly irrational. Time would heal certainly heal this, or so I hoped.

While appreciating the difference between commitment and obsession I do not, as a rule, abandon those I’ve loved. I reflected on Carter over many years, and for my own health used her birthday as a marker, writing unsent letters in my journals as a way to process my thoughts and try to create meaning. Some of what I felt was anger at being falsely accused, but mostly I was sad and confused. There was some fear that she might have seen something I could not, but mostly I assumed that each of us meant well and that she had been ill-advised. I was not my best at the time of her leaving and Martitia Dell had clearly continued to influence Carter for her own purposes, and possibly for Glen Slate. Although I wrote them, I sent no birthday letter to Carter in 1999, nor in 2000. In 2001 one, a letter sent through her lawyer was returned, so I skipped a year and wrote one in 2003. Finding myself out of town for the first time since 1996, I wrote three birthday letters in one day from Las Vegas: one to a friend of mine from fourth grade, another to a botanist friend from 1988 and a third to Kate Carter. Hand-written letters seem to me one of the least-intrusive, most personable and non-threatening forms of communication possible, but below is the exact content as a matter of public record.

It may help to know that I had seen Carter around Portland repeatedly, including a period during which I dated a dancer for whom she did costumes. Twice I had been in the same house with her for fittings, unbeknownst to Carter, just a room away. I kept my distance, though, out of courtesy and for her comfort. The 2003 letter was addressed care of her parents in California, with a return address to this client, whom I knew would see her often. Having been taught by the letter-bomb incident not to use my own return address, I did not wish to risk an inadvertent insult in this, my second contact in almost five years. After the bold rashness of returning her sofa with her truck five years previous, the text struck me as rather pleasant and banal gesture of reconciliation. She saw it, somehow, as an invasive threat. When she read it and freaked out at her wealthy client, it became obvious to me that Carter was beyond silly or mistaken, well into the irrational.

19 February 2003
Las Vegas, Nevada

Dear Kate,

Forgive me for not writing you as promised last year, but the point of your birthday as a time to write was to choose something clear and neutral: something well-defined but arbitrary that would lessen your fear and lessen my chances to do something rash or speak impulsively. “It is a characteristic of wisdom,” as Thoreau once wrote, “not to do desperate things.”

I was surprised when [E] mentioned you were in town, but pleased to hear that you seemed well. I don’t make much of [E's] insights into your character, but I have quite literally slept better since hearing that, making me realize how much free-floating anxiety I was carrying around you for all these years. As I was telling a friend earlier this month, you are in ways the last unresolved strand around Marcus’ death, the one variable I have not been able to balance. At an intellectual level I don’t understand what happened, at a limbic level I have not been able to process your scent, and the meds have partially arrested the mid-level stuff. Although clearly I needed them just to stay alive I believe that drug use (even anti-depressants) in some sense “freezes” emotional and other development, so some aspects of my coping and processing have been delayed until I am completely weaned of their effects. You must do what you need to, of course, and I have honored that, but just an FYI: I am glad of news and that you are well. Perhaps you could find it some year on my birthday to send promised news of your own, perhaps with a picture and news of your family.

I miss you, as I’ve said, and not always as one would think. Aristotle was right in the Nichomachean Ethics when he asserted that friends are dearer when one is happy. It is the good things I would share which pang me most sharply: a book or song, some craft or fabric. I understand so much more now some the things you said of color, as this week in Las Vegus I am bathed by shining light. I think you would cream over the Franklin-Covey organizing system and wish I could share small business tips and insights with you.

Was it worth gaining our brief sexual time time together, worth losing your friendship? At the time I thought it was, and I still might if we were friends, but life is funny that way, so today I am not so sure.

I think today of Gary Snyder’s poem “Seaman’s Ditty” and a song from Laurie Anderson’s Big Science, “Born, Never Asked.”

Happy birthday, Catherine Lynne, wherever you may be. – Rory

http://www.geocities.com/yesterdayswine/GarySnyder.html
http://www.lyricstime.com/laurie-anderson-born-never-asked-lyrics.html
http://www.internal.org/view_poem.phtml?poemID=356

This weekend was Carter’s tenth college reunion. I have no idea whether she attended or not, but would hope that she did not spend it cowering in some private hell of her own making.

Tribe F: The Letter Bomb

From http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/555af724-0e63-4da4-bd28-4cfa2a3281b2

A rice bowl, such as the one Carter explicitly asked me to return to her.

A rice bowl, such as the one Carter explicitly asked me to return.

June of 1998 was the last time I spoke with Catherine Lynne Carter. She had moved out in February, we had broken up in April, and she came by in June to pick up a few of her things and see the kittens of a beautiful feral cat named Ginger. She said she needed some space and had to focus on some things, cordially promising to touch base with me sometime before my birthday in October. I told her that I would keep my eyes open for other small things of hers, and she specifically asked me to save a small rice bowl of hers into which she had transplanted for me the gift of a small jade plant.

The rice-pattern bowl, for those unfamiliar, is a Chinese ceramic style wherein grains of rice are supposedly placed onto the bowl before firing, forming small indentations where the bowl is thinner and often translucent after the rice has burned away in the kiln. This bowl was a particular beautiful example, and the first such one I remember seeing. Like the small plant within, it meant a lot to me, and the last two promises I made to Catherine Lynne Kate Cate Invisigoth Carter were to remember her birthday and return this rice bowl. When Carter failed me many months later and added insult to injury through a creeply lawyer friend and her low-rent, drive-by legal threats, I still remembered, and cared for her beloved bowl. Things meant a lot to Cate Carter, as they often do to women of her class. The ownership of things allows one a sense of control and self-delusion that relationships with authentic people does not. Heirlooms often comfort heirs because the original owner is safely dead.

I did not spend a lot of time thinking about Carter after the colossal rudeness of October and my biting, unanswered “dump-o-matic.” I had been diagnosed with a severe, episodic depression and ordered to take a medical leave from work while I stabilized. On a wild roller-coaster over the loss within three years of two beloved jobs, two major relationships and the suicide of my youngest brother just weeks after he had attacked me and I had thrown him out of my house, I was doing the months-long tango of trying to find whatever drug and dosage that would stabilize me after almost two years of talk therapy had not done so. For anyone who has not been depressed, it is difficult to describe. The closest I have come is to say that it is the exact opposite of being in love. Rather than irrational and delirious joy, though, one fantasizes about train tracks, oncoming cars and half-way trips across tall bridges. If one has the energy, that is, to get out of bed, eat once a day, or bathe and brush one’s teeth once a week. It is something that I would almost not wish on anyone, and after over a year of it and mixed results from drugs, I was not sure that even at the height of spring I would be in the majority of those who emerge.

Looking over my journals for May and June of 1999 I see that I was methodical. I cleaned my house thoroughly and boxed up various things. I wrote brief thank-you letters to people I had not seen, and I prepared a small box of miscellaenous household items to send Kate Cate Carter, including one rice bowl.

My memory is not as clear as it might be, but the written evidence suggests that I was preparing to die. Having seen the chaos that such death can cause the survivors, I was methodically trying to be polite. Borrowed books were labeled so they would be returned. Pornography was purged and rooms were put in order. Because I had not spoken with Carter, I did not know her address and so sent the rice-bowl package to her care of her parents in California. A few days later I got an email asking what was in the box. I answered and got a notice from the post office a few days later. Because I was not feeling up to it, a friend took care of the notice and brought the box back to my house. Awaking after dark, I found that my carefully-prepared package, my final promise, had been returned, marked “refused.” I was livid.

To appreciate my feelings it would help to know that Carter had moved into my house almost three years before, and that I had rearranged things to make her feel at home. My bedroom became her study, shelves of almost a thousand books were boxed. A loom took up the front room next to a large white couch of hers which I had often hated. Having spent weeks trying to reassemble this and put my house in order, this small and petty gesture struck me as supremely selfish. With the sort of poetic clarity that often strikes me, I decided that I would take a chance and see if I could complete my promise after all. Among the things of Carter’s I had was a key to a Toyota pick-up that Daddy had purchased for her at college, given to me “in case I ever needed” to borrow the truck. Driving on a warm night to the last place I knew she lived in Portland, I found the truck and drove it ten miles, put three gallons of gas into the tank and her sofa in the bed before returning the truck and leaving the “refused” package on the passenger’s seat. Seeing this as an attack on her through her property, Carter set her crack legal team into motion.

A few days later I received a subpoena, as she and her legal eagle had decided to make good on Dell’s threat from many months ago. Heading down to the courthouse for what I thought would be similar to a traffic-ticket hearing, I found myself as the defendant against not one but two lawyers, who spun a self-centered tale of woe. I had invaded her privacy, she said, and had a temper that placed her in fear for her life. Failing to mention that I had put gas in the truck I borrowed (to return her property) she explained to the judge how use of someone’s valuable property was right next door to a threat on one’s life. When the package arrived at her parents’ house, she explained that they thought it was a bomb and so returned it. The judge established that (a) I had never visited her since she left unless invited, (b) had never hit her, (c) had never threatened her, (d) had jobs that required background checks and (e) no criminal history or motivation to hurt her. He told me to return her truck key through her lawyer and to try not to be a jerk in the future. Why exactly I would have put my return address on a letter bomb is something that I wish I had asked Carter to explain.

Then again, perhaps the rice-pattern is not really a decoration, but to aid the ceramic in fragmentation should the bowl be filled with hot gunpowder tea…

Comment from M on Wed, May 21, 2008 – 10:01 AM

Oh, Rory – wow. What a whack-job she turned out to be! :o ( Were there any hints, along the way, that things might turn out the way they did? Just wondering . . .

Two things: I understand depression from having been deep inside it for many years. Zoloft is a maintenance med for me, and may always be. Also, I have a collection of rice bowls and cups – I love them, and am always on the lookout for more when at thrift stores. They’re beautiful as a table centerpiece with some water and a floating candle in them – throws off a lovely pattern. :o ) Take good care of yourself! ~ Misha

Reply to Comment on Wed, May 21, 2008 – 9:29 PM

I think her problems are more complicated and subtle than the phrase “whack-job” conveys, and emerged from a variety of influences. She lost her mother to cancer when she was about ten, and never really resolved that. Her quest for meaning and acceptance led her into some very odd places where a lack of keen intelligence and useful insight were exacerbated by over-use of psychotropics. Just as the line between a nice Christian boy and a latent homosexual can be hard for some women to discern, I was pretty much oblivious to the differences between being artsy, addicted and mentally ill.

I was not aware of her drug use, its nature or frequency, until well after we broke up. Some people are too fragile to work with psychotropics, and I think that she was one of those. Unfortunately I never brought it up, she did not trust me to disclose and I never even suspected. In retrospect I could see a pattern where she created sympathy by portraying herself as a victim, and I think a lot of what happened with this incident was that she was looking for motherly support and comfort from older, matronly women. They got to be all mother-hen and she got to be doted on: a clear win-win. I was merely a convenient foil, chosen for deep psychic reasons that I can only speculate on.

In a word, no, but then I was distracted (on many, many levels).

No one wants to admit that they misread and over-estimated anyone as much as I apparently did her. Mostly it is just embarrassing, but funny. Mostly. Ten years later.

Comment from M on Fri, May 23, 2008 – 4:31 PM

It’s never just that simple – I know that. :o ( I hope you didn’t feel belittled by my impertinent-seeming question. I appreciate your insights.

Take good care of yourself! ~ Misha

Reply to Commment on Sat, May 24, 2008 – 8:37 AM

Oh, not at all. I just want to be certain that I am not painting some cartoonish picture of her as vile villain or myself as injured innocent. No offense taken.

Tribe E: The Dump-O-Matic

From http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/2b2ec689-57f0-4e53-8419-948901984656

Too self-involved to write a letter? Select from simple, multiple-choice options!

Too self-involved to write a letter? Select from simple, multiple-choice options!

One of the things that Catherine Lynne Carter and I had discussed in couple’s counseling was the desire to remain cordial and to examine what had gone well and not so well in the relationship, to thoughtfully process our way out and hopefully learn from it. This was something that she didn’t feel up to right away, and so promised to catch up with me later.

Cate Carter moved out of my place in February of 1998, inviting me to stay over at hers as late as April, jealously interrupted me and another woman in May and then visited my house for the last time in June, saying she would try to be in touch by my birthday in October. When she hadn’t done so I sent an email telling her I planned to call her later in the week, whereupon her creepy older lawyer friend, attorney Martitia Marti Dell of Portland, inserted herself and thoroughly pissed me off by threatening legal action. I don’t know if Dell’s boyfriend ever got the sexual play he wanted with Kate Cate or not, but I was feeling pretty dismissed and dissed after so many mixed messages. I had heard of similar mixed messages and games she had played with others, so I decided to at least have some fun and get pro-active. Having recently had some golf pencils printed up for my company, I enclosed one along with a self-addressed, stamped envelope and mailed it off to Carter, calling it “The Dump-O-Matic 98.”

I had honestly hoped that the dump-o-matic would provide some insight and let things finish in a vaguely humorous way, but Carter apparently didn’t agree. She never returned the form but I heard much later that she had sought advice on magical spells to keep me at bay. Did it work? Hard to say. Taking the phone call or returning the form probably would have been simpler, but for my own amusement I reproduce it here.

DUMP-O-MATIC 1998

With our hectic schedules today, we here at Rorybowman.com appreciate how important your time is. Talking to people or dropping a card can be hard, we know, so we’ve developed this new version of Dump-O-Matic 98. In combination with Microsoft’s Pencil Wizard we think you can quickly and sincerely communicate your deepest feelings to those you once loved (or perhaps loved under emulation). Just check the boxes below which apply and drop it in the mail today. A self-addressed, stamped envelope is enclosed for your convenience.

Please note that, for cross-platform compatibility, we have not included punctuation.

_ My once-beloved
_ Dear Rory
_ You fucking shithead

_ I am sorry I haven’t written but
_ I’ve been very busy with school
_ I’ve been very busy with work
_ I’ve been busy with new disposable friends
_ I’ve been dealing with emotional issues
_ I just really can’t be bothered
_ I can’t distinguish you from your dead brother
_ I’m afraid of you for reasons I can’t articulate
_ I’m afraid of you for reasons I won’t share
_ Marti told me not to
_ I never really gave a fuck anyway
_ I’m more comfortable with dead people
_ Who the fuck are you to complain that I haven’t written

When months ago I said that I wanted to play “for keeps” I was

_ a naive little twit who didn’t know what I was saying
_ enacting my own gender stereotypes about respectability
_ under the influence of hormones
_ grossly mistaken about who you were
_ suffering from romantic delusions
_ fooling myself
_ just kidding

_ Sorry that you believed me

I think that we should have

_ never slept together
_ never moved in together
_ just kept things as a sweet 3-week fling
_ just kept things at a sweet 3-month fling
_ taken time off after Marcus’ suicide
_ killed Marcus ourselves
_ moved to a different house
_ killed ourselves like in that Shakespeare movie with Leonardo

Right now I need

_ space to figure out my own feelings about Marcus
_ space to figure out what the hell happened to my identity
_ space to process Reed
_ space to figure out my feelings about you
_ time to figure out who I am
_ to find someone who wants to impregnate me
_ time to finish school
_ another dodge

I hope that I can

_ talk in person with you soon
_ send a more detailed letter soon
_ talk by phone with you soon
_ touch base with you around (insert date and year): _________________
_ see you in some public place or perhaps at a party where we can visit
_ live my life without any further contact with you
_ visit you only at Samhain across an empty plate
_ forget I ever knew you

I would like to

_ see you once or twice a year
_ see you every month or two
_ talk to you by phone every month or two
_ talk with you by phone once or twice a year
_ exchange birthday cards and such once or twice a year
_ forget I ever met you

Right now I need to

_ get this in the mail
_ go to the bathroom
_ other: ________________________________

_ I love you
_ I’ll be in touch, I promise
_ Fuck off
_ I want you dead
_ I’m so very sorry

Comment from M on Thu, May 8, 2008 – 8:49 PM

Rory, what I mean to say is that this is just both so fucking funny and *painful*!!! You are such a smart man – blows my mind! I’m sorry things went down with Catherine Kate Cate so crappily, but we have so little control, and I *know* you’re better off without her. Hope to meet you some day! ~ Misha :o )

Comment from SA on Fri, May 9, 2008 – 9:40 AM

I like the dump-o-matic.
You should sell this concept to the Hallmark people.

Reply to comments on Sat, May 10, 2008 – 6:39 AM

Thanks for the kind words and yes: The sort of person she has shown herself to be is not the sort of person who should be central to my life. Exactly how this became so abundantly clear will have to wait for future episodes, but that’s a funny and painful story for another day.

So, you think I should talk to Hallmark, eh? In the interests of being more environmentally friendly, perhaps I could design a card that uses those little “select an option” wheels. One wheel on the front could adjust to show pictures of a flower, a duck and balloons, respectively. The inside greeting could also change between sympathy, holiday wishes and occasions, with a third multi-choice wheel to indicate one’s relationship (daughter, brother, parent, friend). With three such wheels, though, it would be very expensive to produce.

The original multiple-choice option may be simplest. Too much for Catherine Kate Cate Invisigoth but still sad and funny, worth some poignant retrospect. Please feel free to adapt the format for other, happier uses! With S’ keen eye for all things vintage, I see great things ahead for the genre.

Tribe D: Beware the Low-Rent Retail Lawyer

From http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/fa8692f1-7e81-4934-80a8-66239f2fa4a4

Marti Dells intelligence is exceeded only by her beauty.

Marti Dell's intelligence is exceeded only by her beauty.

Cate Carter lived with me for the better part of two years, moving out to focus on the latter portion of her senior year at Reed College in February of 1998. There was the usual talk of “space” and time, including a few visits to a couples counselor. I have only been in couples counseling twice, and in both cases it was pretty much divorce counseling. This was no exception, and at such a session we ended.

According to my notes I broke up with Catherine Lynne Carter at approximately 4:45 pm on Thursday, April 9, 1998. It was in the office of Tom Talbot at 1525 NE Weidler St in Portland, Oregon. A few days earlier I had declined what would be her last invitation to spend the night at her apartment because (a) I wasn’t sure the invitation came from a place of strength and (b) some vulture named Larry had been by, leaving his pot pipe on her bedstand. I remember sitting in my car with her outside of the building where we broke up, concerned about her as she discussed her anxiety about graduating from Reed on time and expressing a temptation to join her dead mother.

The next time I remember seeing Carter was at Renn Fayre in early May, when she passed me once without seeing me and then later found me, presumably out of her mind on some psychedelic. She interrupted me as I made out with another woman, then lay in my arms for the better part of twenty minutes. After her thesis orals ten days or so later, I swung by to see her, but she had not shown up at work. Concerned she may be in trouble, I went by her apartment afraid that I might smell her body as I approached, but a few phone calls showed that she had instead fled to father in California. She asked for more space and so, except for one afternoon visit at my house and a few politely banal emails, I gave her the space she wanted, asking her to contact me for my birthday in October.

Having not heard from her as expected, I sent an email to announce that I would call her on Tuesday, October 13, whereupon a creepy older woman by the name of Martitia Dell decided to step in on Cate’s behalf. Martitia Dell was, if memory serves, the youngest child in a family that did not value her achievements. Not the smartest or best looking in her family, Marti Dell became a low-rent real-estate lawyer and was generally a disappointment to everyone. Pretentiously into the local SM “scene,” Marti was old enough and lonely enough to play mother figure to Cate, a relationship encouraged by Dell’s boyfriend: Glenn A. Slate. Slate was another piece of work and retail lawyer who wanted to engage Cate in some sort of SM twaddle. The story as I heard it was that Glenn was reportedly “psychic,” carried multiple handguns and could not live in the city because the “vibrations” disturbed him. Whether Dell was Slate’s procuress or just another SM loser, I was still willing to meet with Marti, concerned what was up with Cate. On Sunday evening, October 19, Ms. Dell showed why her job involved working with papers rather than people, and why she would probably never do well at either.

I arrived with a few possessions of Cate’s to return, and am not sure exactly what Dell intended for our meeting. She opened strongly and belligerently: I would only see Cate through her, Dell explained, and if I did not like that Dell would seek a restraining order. Having had a single polite email exchange with Cate scarcely a month earlier, I was taken aback, and basically told Dell to go fuck herself, which did not endear either of us to the other.

Goodness only knows what Dell told Carter of the meeting, and to this day I do now know if Dell was acting as Carter’s attorney, Glenn’s madame, Cate’s big sister or some sort of demon stepmother. There are some people who should never take psychotropic drugs, and Cate Carter in my judgement was one of those, as was self-styled psychic cowboy Glenn Slate. I had scant idea what the heck they thought they were doing, but I was very clear after meeting with Dell that she was a nightmare and to be avoided. Dell and Slate are the sort of people I have in mind when I assert that most lawyers are neither smart nor brave. That Carter considered them trusted friends was all I ever need know of her mental state.

With friends like that, the smart money stays away. Two-legged nightmares like that are to be avoided. Bitter and offended that Carter would not only fail to check in as promised, but send such a piece of shit as emissary, I decided to send her a faux form letter I titled “the dump-o-matic.”

The dump-o-matic would not endear me to Carter…

Comment from N on Tue, April 15, 2008 – 7:20 PM

I’m not so sure this is a good idea for you to be blogging this. It’s starting to sound like a smear campaign against this woman, who obviously broke your heart. It was 1998. That’s 20 years ago. For god’s sake, let it go, man. It doesn’t matter if she’s sending lawyers and restraining orders and blogging about you now. That’s a reflection of her, not you. Don’t buy into it. Don’t get hooked into it again. It’s not worth it. Let it go.

Reply to Comment on Wed, April 16, 2008 – 8:50 AM
I am here to be myself, in all my flaws and glory.

Do you mean it’s a bad idea? I agree, which is why I have not substantively opposed or objected to her histrionic bullshit over the past ten years. It is my considered belief that Catherine Lynne Carter is not well, and that certain psychological issues she inherited with her childhood were exacerbated by drug use and bad legal advice. She comes from privilege, though, and one of the things that privilege can give one a self-centered sense of entitlement and a general lack of compassion or perspective. I had a very hard time after she left me, mostly from exhaustion from over-work and chronic pain, capped by the suicide of my youngest brother. Carter left me because I was not well, but even in the worst of my condition I honored her dignity and privacy over my own, as a clear documentary record shows.

When Carter asked me in June of 1998 to return certain small personal items of hers, I did so, and she suspected me of sending her a mail bomb. When she emailed to ask what was in the package, I told her and she had it returned as “refused.” I then used a truck key she had given me to return a large and ugly sofa she had also left and never picked up, whereupon she told a judge that use of her valuable property was next door to threatening her life, and tried to get me legally branded in court in a way which would complicate my professional life, despite a total lack of violence or property damage or threats of either on my part. She certainly failed to mention to the judge that, for the twenty miles I put on her truck returning her property, I put five dollars (a bit over three gallons) of gas.

My vocational degrees are in criminal justice and education, industries with routine and constant background checks. By selecting an accusation that lumped me with cowardly woman-beaters, she insulted me gravely. By playing to every pretty-white-girl versus crazy-veteran stereotype, she offended me on levels she does not even understand. I don’t think she is smart or ruthless enough to have done this on purpose, yet she did. And for years I have taken it, seen her around town, mostly ignored her, and been silent. When she drug me into court again (after seeing me on the *internet* of all places), and I gave the legal system a chance to do the right thing. With fair warning and announcing my intentions, I shall do so again. There is no dishonor in losing a fair fight, but only in cheating to win.

I have repeatedly contacted her lawyer and consistently been ignored. My original point to Ms. Dell so many years ago was that human decency was a greater protection than the law, and that the fundamental power of the state was to imprison or kill. If Carter wanted to play the legal game, she had best be prepared to see me imprisoned or killed, because the message that sends is that I am a bad person who can only be dealt with through force. Bullshit.

Are you familiar with a 1964 book called “Games People Play?” Carter is a second-degree player running games such as “Courtroom” and “If It Werent’ For You” and “Let’s You and Him Fight.” Dell is fond of sexualized power games and classic Karpman drama triangles, but very inept. I try very hard not to play games, but have now begun a third-degree game of “Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch.” By calling my shots before I make them, I demonstrate my skill and regain my sense of agency. My plan has never been to look good, but to be good: Oὐκ ἔστιν ἀνδρὶ ἀγαθῳ̂ κακὸν, eh?

Martitia Dell is a feckless daughter of privilege who parlayed her class position into a law degree which she pretty much uses to paper over her place on the planet and to aggrandize herself well beyond her merit. I think that right now she is selling fire places for her boyfriend’s business under the lofty title of “general counsel,” which is a good place for her given the downturn in the hot tub and home-spa sales industry.

I assure you that I am quite aware of how this shall make me seem, and I have no intention of making myself look better than I am. I am not here to make friends but to be myself, to tell my story, and to let the cards fall where they may.

Do you know the poetry of Stephen Crane? He is most famous for his stories and short novels, but a line from a poem of his became the title of a race-novel by Joyce Carol Oates. I have thought of that poem over the past two years, as I consider who I am and what I can do, reviewing who I’ve been and what I *have* done. My silence has covered craven idiocy and the failures of privilege long enough. If these people want to play games of insinuation, reputation and law, fair enough. Cry havoc and let us all observe that, in matters of libel, truth is an absolute defense. From Stephen Crane:

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said: “Is it good, friend?”
“It is bitter-bitter,” he answered;
“But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart.”

Comment from S on Sat, April 19, 2008 – 7:43 AM
compassion

Ah my friend, I had no idea what you had been going through….
I knew you were bitter and tough, but not why, not really.
I am sorry you were hurt. by all the women in your life, (including me -unintentionally) and by your brother…
You know you were in the right… they may never admit it. even if a court of law tells them so.
take a deep breath and look around you at what you do have now.
chickens, green trees, freedom, and a beautiful woman who really does love you.
I do understand the value of lancing the poison of the past. and wanting to get it down for posterity…
and you may well say F*%#@ compassion! (for them).
sometimes this kind of thing is like cutting on yourself to feel better (trust me, I’m spinning on the rotisserie of my own percieved guilt
and angst.. after losing James.. on a daily basis… funny how seeing someone else doing it makes it look so much more clear.)
My dear friend, thank-you for being there for me when things have been difficult, more than once.
and do look at all this it from another angle, and give yourself compassion.
give yourself permission to purge this from your system with your writing, don’t let it poison you again. (by giving them your attention, a fight, a focus, you give them your power )
and remember that no matter how badly the universe has treated you by hooking you up with these creatures,
you are strong, you are beautiful, you are loved.
(and you know how to make kick-ass salsa and brandied pears!)
:)

Reply to Comment Sat, April 19, 2008 – 5:00 PM
Hurt by women? No. That was me.

I don’t feel that I’ve been hurt by all the women in my life, and both of these are really beneath bothering to hurt. At this point it is mainly my pride and that can be cleared up in court. Other than perhaps an apology there is nothing I could want from her, and I don’t think that she is capable of that. Their punishment is to be them, as my honor is to be me. At this point is just a matter of clearly establishing position and finishing up the paperwork.

I feel stupid to have so drastically over-judged Kate, but her hour of promise has passed. May both of them live very long lives, so that their worth is crystalline clear. I did some stupid things, but nothing I felt was dishonorable.

Oὐκ ἔστιν ἀνδρὶ ἀγαθῳ κακὸν, eh? “No evil can befall a good man.”

Portland Police Bureau Investigation Report 0833252

A Portland Police Bureau patch.

Portland Police Bureau Investigation Report

Case number 08-33252 Stalking 2551
Reported: 04/08/08 1310
Occurred Start: 01/14/08 1440
Occurred End: 03/27/08 1129
Location of Occurence: [Presumed home address redacted]
One Sentence Summary of Incident: Possible Violation of Stalking Order

PERSONS

  • Victim CARTER, Catherine L.  Female White
    [DOB, home address and phone number redacted]
  • Witness 1 BALMER, Kevin D., Male White
    [DOB, home address and phone number redacted]
  • Witness 2 HILTON, Wesley Calm, Male Unspecified
    Reed College Student
  • Suspect BOWMAN, Rory Grey,  Male White
    [DOB, home address and phone number redacted]

NARRATIVE

#8) The VI (Carter) called to report what appears might be violations of Stalking Order #0603-03051 by the listed XI (Bowman). Per the VI all of these possible stalking violations stem from a 3rd party.

Starting with an email VI received on 01/14/08 from student (W2) at Reed College that had been directed by XI to contact her (see attached email for details).

The 2nd contact the VI (Carter) relayed was two letters sent to her presnt boyfriend (W1) where XI (Bowman) talks about his relationship with the VI (Carter) amongst other things. These letters included business cards and a picture of a man with a gun (see attached copies).

The 3rd contact was an email again sent to W1 (Balmer) (see attached copies). The letters sent in the email seem to WI (Balmer) appear to be all the same in content.

Per the VI (Carter) this has been ongoing with XI (Bowman) for about 10 years. The VI feels that these 3rd party contacts are sent by XI to disrupt her life.

The VI was not sure of XI’s home address but she believes it might be [address redacted] in Vanc Wa.

The stalking order #0603-03051 is on file with Multnomah County in Leds.

M. Castlio, BPST 11684

Tribe C: Apologia pro Poemate Meo

From http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/6ade6ee1-ef37-4f4a-84c7-46d92c425e08

Catherine Lynne Carter on the beach near La Jolla, California, Spring 1996.

Catherine Lynne Carter on the beach near La Jolla, California, Spring 1996.

He said ‘I’ll love you ’til I die.’
She told him he’d forget in time.
And as the years went slowly by
She still preyed upon his mind
He kept her picture on his wall
And went half-crazy now and then
But he still loved her through it all
Hoping she’d come back again…

(Braddock & Putman, “He Stopped Loving Her Today”)

There is a very big story that we tell ourselves in the west about the power of love and the romantic ideal. From the chivalrous ballads of the medieval romantic period through their successors, the sappy movie, we wish to believe in the eternal power of love and commitment as a counter-balance to  betrayal and death. We live and die for a sense of narrative completion and fairy-stories of love are beautiful. Love and literature give us pretty stories, and as a winter sparrow may fly the length of a great feasting hall from one door to another and out again, so are we in our path through the light. From darkness to darkness we have our stories, and it is pretty to think the stories matter. I believe that stories matter, and so I shall tell a few on myself and of a character I shall call Catherine Lynne Carter.

I first met Catherine Lynne Carter in 1994, when I was working as a security guard and she was a first-year student at Reed College, in Portland, Oregon. Cate, as she is now known, had just arrived. A privileged daughter of an alumna, Cate’s mother had been Lynne Carter, a biology graduate from 1966. Presumably it was at Reed that Lynne had first been exposed to the carcinogens that would kill her when Cate was ten, so as much as anything, Cate was arriving into grief.

The day I met her though, bright eyes and clear skin, someone had broken into the Toyota truck her father had purchased for her to use at college. Richard Carter was a man whom I only met briefly, but from seeing Cate I can imagine what her mother must have been when he married her so young so long ago. Rich was a smart man, a Vietnam-era veteran, slightly prone to paranoia but very focused on Cate. As a woman, she was unfortunate to have inherited her father’s nose, but he had compensated heavily for Lynne’s death by doting on Cate, his only living child. I’m not sure entirely what all Rich had done in his professional life, but having worked as some sort of executive at Intel, he had been shown Cate love through home-cooked meals, sending her on trips as a teenager and to the prestigious private prep school in La Jolla, Bishop’s Academy, whose most famous alum would become serial killer Andrew Cunanan. With plaid uniforms and field hockey, however, Bishop’s had done well by Cate Carter, who was talented and beautiful and as intelligent as most babies can be, given good food, care, and access to education. That afternoon, though, someone had stolen her car stereo.

My official title at Reed College was “community safety officer,” which meant I was to patrol campus, tend to locking buildings, watch for damage and keep the low-income riff-raff away from the clientele. A working-class student who had graduated from Reed on scholarship myself, my job was either at the upper end of being a security guard or in the bush leagues of community policing. I loved what I was doing and, had I seen the future, I probably would have stayed for life. It was a beautiful day to be patrolling the Reed campus, and among the many pleasures of my job was that sometimes it brought me into close contact with beautiful young women such as Cate Carter, who would sometimes flirt as I helped them or took a crime report.

Flirting is a very interesting thing among young women, and in retrospect I understand it primarily as a defensive mechanism. Attractive to social predators and unsure of their status, flirting gains them the attention and protection of the powerful. It is a kind of bonding and invitation that they habitually use with almost everyone, appearing more attractive and being more attentive and ostentatiously kind in ways that they shall eventually outgrow. At the time though I just enjoyed the flirting, took Cate’s report and made a mental note. Smart and pretty, I would look forward to seeing her around over the next four years. How little did I appreciate how that would work out…

Comment from M: Fri, March 28, 2008 – 10:42 AM

And you’re going to tell us more, right? I hope so! Thank you, and take good care of yourself! ~ Misha

Reply to Comment on Fri, March 28, 2008 – 5:55 PM

Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum.
Yes. It is from a book project I’ve been thinking about and avoiding for the past few years. I hope never to complete it, but the time has come to start. I’m looking forward to finding out what the ending is! I have definitely lived in interesting times…

Comment from A Mon, April 14, 2008 – 2:56 PM
Wait, are you thinking of writing a book? I was writing this morning, yup, I am writing a book. BTW – gorgeous photo!

Birthday Letter to Kevin Balmer

March 25, 2008

Kevin D. Balmer
[ADDRESS REDACTED]
Portland OR 97218

Happy birthday, Mr. Balmer.

I presume you’ll remember me as the man who contacted you two years ago to discuss my existence and intentions around an acquaintance of yours named Catherine Lynne Carter. As you may know, Ms. Carter lost her mother at an early age, has done a lot of drugs and has certain dramatic fears she sometimes uses to elicit favors and attention. Her grip on strategic and tactical reality is sometimes tenuous (as she demonstrated once by assuming I had sent her a bomb in the mail), and I have reason to believe that in December of 2005 she told you I was a bad person with plans to assault her. I found this insulting both morally (that I would hurt her) and technically (that she could stop me). Various actions immediately thereafter made me suspect you were being used for back-channel communication, so I did an Internet search for you and we met briefly on the morning of March 17, 2006.

If I were one third the monster Carter asserts, it would have made no sense to poke me. My goal in contacting you was to present myself directly to you as a human being, so that you could assess me and discuss the situation as you thought best: face-to-face, man-to-man, what-have-you. I briefly introduced myself and offered to meet for lunch at a time and place of your choosing. Your decision around this was to notify Carter, stoking her fears and supporting her decision to use the court system to brand me as a bad man: some sort of troubled genius who would use my evil skills against her for vague and unspecified reasons (as if thumping on a crazy girl could bring me peace or honor). At the time I did not hold this against you. You believed someone it was necessary for you to trust at the time, serving domestic harmony as best you understood it. But that was then, and this is two years later.

You have had time to consider the situation at length, to re-assess whom I might be and whom Carter is. I did not contact Carter then because I did not think her well, and I have no reason to believe she has improved any. I was (a) offended that she thought I might want to hurt her and (b) disappointed that she felt insulting me in open court would discourage me. When I felt that you were playing butchy-boy on Tribe by posting an avatar of a pointing gun, I was annoyed but made two logical assumptions: (1) that she was crazy and (2) that you were a fool. I now offer you an opportunity to prove me wrong.

As promised immediately after my last embarrassing subpoena, I sent a letter to Bobbie Callahan this past October, advising him that if Carter did not undo this legal insult then I would do so. If I had to pay to defend my reputation in court a third time, I told Callahan, I would not be so gentle and protective of Carter’s dignity. I have been thinking and writing about Carter off and on for years now, and she has introduced a variety of information into the public record which can be used quite legally to paint an unflattering picture of her. Oregon has very strong free-speech protections, and accurate transcripts of court hearings are explicitly exempt from accusations of libel. I think it has been clearly established that I am a creative guy with a lot of skills who respects the law and has a strong sense of self, justice, and right. No?

As a matter of principle I do not thump cripples, but I also do not suffer fools and would rather not let a persistent insult go unanswered. I would encourage you to consider Carter’s mental condition and your own complicity in insulting me. Would you like to see Carter deposed and questioned about the past fifteen years, Mr. Balmer, or be deposed and need to decide about perjuring yourself? I encourage you to have a chat with drug-lawyer Callahan. Ask him what he would do to clear my name and character as (or more) publicly than it has been insulted. You have insulted me, Kevin, and been complicit in further insult. I encourage you to help us both resolve this with quiet dignity by beginning to make amends and/or apologize.

If I do not hear from you by April 21, 2008, I shall begin my legal counter-attack and defense of my narrative as a point of honor. I take no pleasure in humiliating cripples and fools, but feel a certain pain at unanswered calumny.

Your move, Pard.

Tribe B: Returning a Legal Favor

From http://askasexywomananything.tribe.net/thread/cadd5309-6f9d-4a7e-8e8d-f68cc09edc6e

My occupational degrees are in education and criminal justice, which means that there are often background checks if and when I apply for a new job. About ten years ago I broke up with a woman who apparently developed some psychological problems and decided that I was a Bad Man ™. Twice she has sought a restraining order against me and while the first was denied in 1999, a second judge in 2006 granted one and told me it could later be rescinded. When I went down to the courthouse about this, though, I find this is not the case. At some point I am probably going to have to spend between $1-3K to find her and get an official court record that I never threatened her, struck her, damaged her property, committed any crime and whatnot. This should be relatively straightforward, but he question I have for you sexy women is this:

As long as I have to pay to bring her into court and clear my name, how appropriate is it to spend a little extra money to return a legal favor and embarrass her as well?

General discussion and responses may be viewed at Tribe.

Tribe A: Why We Write

from http://people.tribe.net/rorybowman/blog/c2caa0d6-5488-4e80-a5a5-db763208aa70

Bernes transactional analysis diagram from 1964.

Berne's "transactional analysis" diagram from 1964.

In the 1940’s Frank Capra directed a series of propaganda films titled “Why We Fight,” a title re-used for a more recent film that criticized the US war machine. This weekend I had a brief email exchange with a friend here on Tribe who had decided to leave and so took some time to consider yet again what I am doing here on Tribe myself and, essentially, why I write. What the heck are you doing here on Tribe?

I first came to Tribe in late 2005, encouraged by one of my computer-consulting clients to present myself here for artsy types who used Macintoshes. I signed up but didn’t really do much until Thanksgiving weekend, when I joined a few groups and made a few posts, noticing that a former girlfriend was also here. She was not well (she once thought I’d sent her a pipe bomb) so I ignored her, understanding she could contact me if she wanted to visit. Instead she made a semi-dramatic city-wide announcement that she was being hunted (and presumably said more in private circles). So much for positive professional networking on Tribe! When her boyfriend invited me to a film screening and then changed his avatar to one of him pointing a gun at the camera upon my acceptance, I decided that she was *definitely* trying to communicate. I did my honest best to honor these silly, sideways signals, but finally decided that she was a clueless drama queen I left Tribe shortly after I attended (and was not approached at) the film screening. Silly woman then sued me for civil stalking in a tale that may soon be told at http://catherinelynnecarter.com (depending on her future legal decisions) so from pride I returned to Tribe immediately after the suit.

I am on Tribe for four main reasons. In decreasing order of importance they are (1) to publicly assert and defend my own character while (2) playing a game Eric Berne calls “homely sage” and (3) wasting time and (4) trawling for interesting cultural events. It is ironic that I would have left here years ago were it not for the selfish rantings of a silly, drama girl, yet here I am.

For the most part I think that Tribe functions in much the same way as other subcultures. Human beings are social animals who seem designed for village life, and social circles much larger than a hundred or so confuse us and leave us feeling disconnected and meaningless. There is thus a strong desire to create sub-groups: smaller ponds in which each of us can be a bigger fish, a sort of comprehensible and defensible psychic space. I keep chickens and the same sort of thing happens in protestantism, as flocks break into smaller sub-flocks for a clearer picking order. Pretty much every social animal does this, as best I see, and I came to do this among  artsy, Portland-based Mac users. Having perceived personal calumny, I stayed to assert my decency and right to exist. If some twit wants to attack me, let it be in public where everyone can see how I deal with such fools.

The “homely sage” angle is something that only occurred to me recently, upon re-reading Eric Bernes’ 1964 book “Games People Play.” An influential book at the time and forward, Berne asserts that there are clear behavioral reasons for all social interactions, and identifies different ways people manipulate others and the social environment to get psychic needs met. Although much of the book is about destructive games and manipulations, he also notes a few positive games such as “homely sage” where a person of quite modest success relocates to a smaller pond where they seem wise and are revered. Having received a few compliments on my insights or contributions here on Tribe, it occurs to me that I get a lot of pleasure (or “strokes”) from this, and that the positive feedback (or fights) are a pleasure to me. I enjoy ideas and their many uses, and get to seem both more and less than I am here in print.

The use of Tribe and other online content as a means to flee our personal pain and unsuccessful lives is clear to anyone who spends more than an hour or two of discretionary time online. As a child I retreated into play or nature or with my dog. Later I retreated into books and ideas. Today people go online, but it is still essentially retreat. “Retreat” can be a positive thing (as in a healing retreat) but it is retreat, nonetheless, and much of my online time is retreat in the ambivalent or negative sense: a distraction from more fundamental issues or tasks I should probably be addressing.

As for cultural events, there are actually darn few. I found the name of a neighborhood gallery I visited monthly, and have attended a few burner-oriented events I would have missed, but much of the stuff on Tribe is clique-based or about DJ’s and (what seems to me) newage twaddle. A lot of the kids who in high school would be in band or drama club are here on Tribe more, dressing up to drink liquor. In Portland, it seems, much of the BM activities are a sort of micro-scene: a display ritual in which people dress up to see and be seen. Depressing. I know that there were lots of good people in band and drama club, but mostly they have day jobs today for good reasons. Watching them praise each other is heartening in the way that watching the Special Olympics or weeknight Little League baseball is heartening. It is wholesome and good and positive and such, but it is not the Kirov or Bolshoi Ballet.

So why do I write? To show I am not alone, and that I am not the thoughtless, senseless monster that some would paint. I am neither stupid nor merciless, just here. Thank you for reading, and giving me something to reflect upon.

Comment from N Fri, March 7, 2008 – 5:30 PM
I don’t think you are a thoughtless, senseless monster and I have enjoyed reading your blog, and very much enjoyed the Tribal interactions I have had with you, through comments and messages. I’m sorry to hear about the drama queen/stalking situation and I hope it resolves soon.

Paideia Emails and Carter's Reaction

At various times since 1985 I have been actively involved in Reed College’s “Paideia” interim program: teaching, taking scores of classes, and otherwise pitching in to help. As part of that I was contacted by the signator in January of 2008 and had a moderately detailed email exchange on various aspects of the program. In a minor aside in response to a direct question I mentioned that Cate Carter had once been a signator and the current signator, Wes Hilton, tried to contact her with a few minor questions. Apparently it had not registered that a stranger had found her on the Internet in fifteen minutes. Her decision around this, I would learn much later, was to freak out and notify the police, on the theory that my every conversation or mention of her was part of a master plan to win back her love, or kill her, or something. Emails below.

Wes Hilton to Rory Bowman, Jan 8, 2008 @ 10:48
Subject: Re: it’s paideia time!

Hi Rory,

The listings we have are below. I’m sorry I couldn’t get this to you earlier. As Emily said, the combatives class on Monday needs to be moved, but the rest can stay where it is.

As a side note, I was in the archives yesterday looking at old Paideia materials and saw your name appear a lot. One person credited you with “teaching more total hours of classes this year than anyone will probably attend”. Wow! I hadn’t realized just how much you’ve been doing for Paideia for so long. Thanks for all you do–we really appreciate it.

~Wes

Sunday (1/20)    Combatives A        3:00 PM    5:00 PM    mat room
Monday (1/21)    Combatives B      3:00 PM    5:00 PM    mat room
Wednesday (1/23)    Combatives C        3:00 PM    5:00 PM    mat room
Friday (1/25)    Combatives D       3:00 PM    5:00 PM    mat room

Wednesday (1/23)    Start Your Own Computer Consulting Business     1:00 PM    2:30 PM    CC110

Sunday (1/20)    Writing to Plan      10:00 AM    12:00 PM    CC110
Monday (1/21)    Writing to Heal      10:00 AM    12:00 PM    CC110
Wednesday (1/23)    Writing Relationships       10:00 AM    12:00 PM    CC110
Friday (1/25)    Writing to Remember     10:00 AM    12:00 PM    CC110

Rory Bowman to Wes Hilton, Jan 8, 2008 @ 12:16

Thanks, Wes, for getting back with specifics.

Bill and I are going to cancel the combatives, as I just explained in another email to Emily (with cc to you and Bill) but I am excited to do the writing and business things. Hopefully Emily and some of the other fighters can do something as good or better. There is a lot of solid material available from the Wikipedia article at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Combatives including a full link to Matt Larsen’s FM 2-35-150 at http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/library/policy/army/fm/3-25-150/

It might make sense for Paideia to spend a few bucks on a physical copy of this manual from Paladin Press or Powell’s, to place in the Sports Center cabinet, in the Paradox cafe or even the library. There used to be copies of Fairbairn’s “Get Tough” as part of the main collection (basically a civilian equivalent from the time).

Also, if there is an online schedule somewhere (accessible from outside the Reed network) or a PDF I would be happy to promote these in the various unofficial alumni networks I am part of. Even alumni who hate Reed and everything the institution is or has become have a soft spot for Paideia and frequently enjoy taking part.

Some years I do more and some years I do nothing, but I am very glad that Paideia survived the late 90’s attempts by Student Services to completely destroy it or make it an authorized neo-nanny event, focused around condescension and childcare.

- Rory

Wes Hilton to Rory Bowman,  Jan 8, 2008 @ 13:05

We are in the process of turning our haphazard Excel file into a shiny PDF for printing and distribution. We’ll send it electronically to all participants and the alumni office within a week. In the meantime I will come up with a “mini-schedule” of some selected events that you can pass around on those networks.

A late-90s attempt to destroy Paideia, you say? Was there any discussion about this in, say, 1998?  Discussion that would have been printed somewhere? Since it’s Paideia’s 40-year anniversary I’m trying to put together excerpts from every tenth year. ‘78 and ‘88 are fine, but after about 1990 the archives are all but empty.

Thanks for all the classes,

~Wes

Rory Bowman to Wes Hilton,  Jan 8, 2008 @ 15:59

Interesting. I was coordinator for the 1995 Paideia and Kate Carter was the signator in 1998. Her website is http://madebycate.com so you should be able to contact her there.

The attempt was never overt, but during the presidency of Jim Powell (with Jim Tederman as VP of Student Services) there was the creation of a competing event called Reed Arts Weekend. At the time all of Paideia’s budget came from the Student Senate and had never been more than $10,000, while RAW had the full staff support of the Student Services office and PAID student staff (to Paideia’s volunteers). Paideia used to also be much longer, and run from pretty much just after New Year’s until classes opened. I’m not sure when it was shortened to its present abbreviated form, but that was largely for the convenience of the Student Services staff as well.

If you have any interest, I think it would be a terrific thing to create an online history of Paideia and all the classes involved over the years, perhaps making that part of a reunion theme or somesuch. Paideia was very much on the ropes in the mid-90’s and I assumed that it would be completely killed before 2000.

If you have any interest in this, I would like to do something longer-term on the history and place of Paideia. 1998 was the 30th anniversary and Kate had made some noise about marking that in some way. I wonder if that is why the archives stopped storing anything. Certainly there was a lot around when I last checked in 1995.

Hmmm. I think I may have an idea for a new Paideia class. What do you think? – Rory

Wesley Hilton to Rory Bowman, On Jan 9, 2008 @ 09:55

How times change! We still have RAW, but they’ve moved it to the beginning of March. The budget is definitely smaller, though: now we have $5000 instead of $10,000. I’m also surprised to hear that you coordinated Paideia after you graduated: now it’s a purely student-run affair, mostly handled over finals week and winter break.

But at least there’s less antagonism from the administration, at least that I’m aware of. I think that’s shifted to Renn Fayre, which is a big messy affair of indulgences and trash on the lawn.

It’s very last-minute for another class, but I am wild about the idea of doing some kind of project about Paideia’s history. We can put a link to an online visual history and/or an article in the printed catalog.

I made up a condensed schedule for you to give to your friends. I will send it in a separate email.

Rory Bowman to Wes Hilton, January 9, 2008 @ 12:22

Notice that I said “coordinator” and not “signator.” A student was officially in charge, but the senate trusted me enough to let me take a more active role than any student was able to that year. At one point there had been some discussion about institutionalizing Paideia as a more cooperative affair while still retaining student control: bringing in a few alumni and staff folks, etcetera, but the students could never get their shit together enough to do to this. Youth is often wasted on the young, and very few students appreciate what a unique opportunity Paideia represents, or what a wide and deep reservoir of talent the Reed “community” provides. It absolutely needs to stay under the control of the student body (with a student leader and student financing) but it is very possible to create a “stable” of presenters and class themes that could stand in the wings to be drawn upon as needed. The closest we got was encouraging various staff departments to offer their trainings during this period and open them up, with Computer User Services being the largest participant and the Sports Center closely behind.

Another idea that nothing ever came of was for the signators to commit to two or three years: first as assistant, then as signator then as advisor. If you love Paideia and plan to be around for a while, there is a moderate base of past folks who have assisted with Paideia in the past and who would probably be willing to help, if asked, but the short schedule really complicates things, and every signator seems completely unaware that all of their problems have been solved before and wastes time re-inventing the wheel.

I fundamentally see the main constituencies of Reed as following a generational model, with staff as the parents, students as children and alumni as grandparents. The logical power alliance is between the children and the grandparents so that the parents don’t become tyrants, with Paideia a very powerful place for such countervailing force to manifest.

Barry Hansen was originally brought in as a fundraiser, to increase the net budget through ticket sales. It is possible for many Paideia activities to actually generate revenue which subsidizes other activities, but few students have the time to understand or manage that in addition to their studies.

- R

Wes Hilton to Rory Bowman on Jan 10, 2008 @ 18:05

I like what you say.

Especially the idea of keeping around a “stable” of classes/instructors. I was frustrated this year that my role was so reactionary: I just waited for people to submit applications and couldn’t manage to actively seek anyone out.

Also the thought of people staying around to be involved in Paideia more than once, and I don’t know how Emily feels but I’m considering doing this again next year. (Not if people felt I was monopolizing the position, though.) I’d definitely love to stick around as an alum to help out Paideia in the future.

Whatever happens, I am drawing up a few documents to influence Paideia in the future. One is a collection of my experiences and advice so that next year’s organizer gets a bit of a head start, and another is a list of suggestions to the student Senate and the administration in order to make the whole deal smoother. (Number one? Appoint the organizers earlier than November.)

~Wes

Rory Bowman to Wes Hilton,  Jan 11, 2008 @ 11:07

Let’s meet and talk sometime this week. Because Paideia is funded by the Senate and their budget cycle falls as it does, the scheduling is a consant issue. What I have suggested in the past is that a stable system be established for housing all of these materials in one place. At one point I had created a FileMaker database for all this, but I don’t think it was ever implemented, and in the era of FaceBook and blogs and such, this should be housed online in a place that is not subject to Reed’s internal network weirdness.

A logical place to begin would be to compile a list of past classes and instructors, and configure some sort of online presence for alumni and others to take part. Now that Reed Alumni Relations is running their “alumni college” schtick each June, it would be logical to use this as a place to recruit and perhaps create a tie-in of common interests. I have some ideas but want this to be a way for alumni to directly support the student body, not infantilize them: especially those alumni who are hostile to the administration or do not want their contribution to the “reed community” to be primarily financial.

I believe I still have much of the information from Paideia 1995, and can probably assemble more. If you can begin to assemble a list of past signators, that would help enormously. When would be a good time for us to meet in person about this? There is no reason, for example, that a bevy of Reed martial artists could not descend for a whole series of classes such as Emily expressed interest in, and most of those are NOT professionals who should be charging for their services. Same for writers, carpenters, brewers and more. Let’s talk!

- R

Wesley Hilton to Rory Bowman on Jan 11, 2008,@ 12:20

I work in the Admission Office daily (weekdays) until 1:00. If you’re not busy in the middle of the day that would be a good time to meet.

An electronic database is not a bad idea, but an additional paper file couldn’t hurt. The current staff of the Student Activities Office is very friendly towards Paideia and probably wouldn’t mind holding on to things in a file cabinet for us.

The central storage place gives me an idea for inviting alumni. Over the course of a year we can run advertisements (in the Reed magazine, etc) inviting alumni to submit their contact info and areas of interest. Responses can accumulate all year, then get examined more closely during the fall semester when the planning really gets going.

Sorry for backpedaling, but I think it’s too late to add more classes to the schedule at this point. We’re trying to send the catalog to the printer by early next week to be ready for people to read on Friday. If we can get more alumni involved in preexisting classes that would be great, but I don’t want to overextend this year.

~Wes

Rory Bowman to Wes Hilton, Jan 11, 2008 @ 16:46

Oh, I had no delusions about adding classes this year, but in getting something going for years to come. Paper files are always terrific, but also at the mercy of one bad decision by someone going through a file cabinet. It saddens me to hear that the archives have so little after 1990, because I know that those years included some of the most jam-packed Paideias ever. I’ll try to catch you sometime in the next week or so. – R

Rory Bowman to Wes Hilton on Jan 14, 2008 @ 15:11

Terrific! Thanks for letting me know.

I have emailed at least one other past Paideia signator I know (Marna Hauk) and she would be available to meet this Friday afternoon if you are game, to discuss longer-term (2009+) Paideia planning. Marna’s Paideia had about 300 classes, just slightly more than mine. She has also worked for many years as a project manager, so will have some valuable insights on that aspect.

- Rory

Wes Hilton to Cate Carter, Jan 13, 2008

Hello,

This isn’t about the bags, although they look very nice. I’m actually just looking for Kate Carter. I hope I’m not being a creepy stalker by contacting you this way, but the Reed alumni database doesn’t have anyone by that name, and the “contact us” page on madebycate.com was empty. (Rory Bowman directed me to the website.)

I’m one of the organizers for Paideia at Reed this year, and I’d like to do something for the 40th anniversary. I was hoping to find some materials in the library archives about the 1998 Paideia, but they’re all but empty. I know it’s a long shot, but do you have any old documents lying around that might have something to do with Paideia when you ran it? Would you be willing to answer a few questions by email?

Thanks for whatever help you can give, and sorry for the unexpectedness of contacting you this way. You can respond to me at [email address redacted]

- Wes

Cate Carter to Wes Hilton, Jan 14, 2008

Hi Wes,

I think you’ve unintentionally ventured into a mine field on this one. Rory probably did not have mentioned this, but I have had to obtain a permanent restraining order against him in an attempt to put an end to ten years of harassment. One of the elements of the restraining order is that he is legally enjoined from contacting me directly or inducing third parties to contact me. It is wholly inappropriate that Rory put you in this position.

While this has little to do with your purpose, it has everything to do with my response. I wish you all the best with your celebration of Paideia, but I cannot assist you in this matter – I have severed all ties with Reed College to protect my privacy. I hope you can understand my situation.

Best wishes,
Cate Carter

Wes Hilton to Cate Carter on Jan 14, 2008 @ 14:40 pm

You guessed right. I was very unaware of the true situation. I’m sorry for the part I played in stirring things up, and I won’t trouble you any further. I will not reveal this email address.

For the record, in case it matters later on: while Rory gave me your name and website and tole me to contact you, he never said anything about using any online forms to send a message. That was all me, thinking I was internet-clever for finding a way to reach an off-the-grid person. Now it’s more clear why you didn’t want to be found. My apologies.

Best,
Wes

Bowman Letter to Callahan Seeking Rescension

Saturday, 6 October 2007

Robert A. Callahan, Atty
Northwest Law Center
405 NW 18th Avenue
Portland OR 97209

Mister Callahan:

2008 shall mark ten years since Catherine Lynne Carter’s graduation from Reed College, and over ten years since she has spoken with me. For reasons related to her own mental condition and personal history, Ms. Carter has twice subpoenaed me and accused me of wanting to harm her for some vague reason she cannot articulate, despite a total lack of criminal violence in my past, a complete absence of threats against her or demands from her on my part. Just because I have certain technical skills does not mean I intend to use them, any more than someone with money plans to use it to buy cocaine.

It is moderately humiliating to have one’s personal pain made the subject of a public court proceeding, and in deference to Carter’s agitated mental condition at my last (compelled) appearance, I did not launch any substantive defense or objections. The statute you used against me gives great deference to the plaintiff, and Carter obviously needed some time and space to make sense of whatever was going on inside her head.

Carter has had the time and space she clearly needed, and I have paid the price in personal embarrassment and other ways for her conceited concept of herself as femme fatale and portrait of me as bogeyman. I doubt that she shall ever be well enough to apologize or have a civil conversation with me, but I ask that she mitigate this legal blemish against me by petitioning the court to rescind the protective order she was granted. Please file the papers to accomplish this before February 25, and have the entire affair completed before June 3, 2008.

Carter is a self-centered daughter of privilege and has twice used the law as a weapon against me. I hope never to see Catherine Lynne Carter again, but if I have to pay to see her in court I shall not be so respectful of her condition, dignity and privacy a third time.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Sincerely,
Rory Bowman

Covers and Blankets

Personal journal entry from Saturday morning, 13 January 2007.

Well, the inevitable other shoe in the whole CLC restraining-order thing dropped yesterday, and landed almost perfectly.

After the hearing I sent a letter letting her attorney know that I would be attending various arts events and such that I have avoided in the past, and that this might result in her seeing me more often than in the past. Since then I have attended several such events that were advertised on Tribe, but not seeing her at any of these. Last night, though, that changed.

There was a local benefit for a youth shelter at an art gallery just south of SBGI. Called “Covers and Blankets” the basic idea was that local musicians would do cover versions of songs and that admission would be $5 or a warm coat or blanket to be donated to the shelter. As a fan of cover songs generally and in the neighborhood already, I RSVP’d to an announcement/invite from someone called “Dale the Nail” and have been planning on attending for a while now. Checking the RSVP list I noted that KDB had said he would attend after me but I checked earlier in the day to be certain that CLC had not indicated her attendance. ASL is sometimes a bit jealous and suspicious of Tribe events, but I had convinced her it would be mellow and fun for a good cause.

At about 7:30 we left Bi-Mart with two large (queen-size), warm acrylic blankets of the sort that work well when damp or where things are drafty. We drove over and parked on the north side of the building. Approaching I did not see KDB’s truck and so we went around to the side (loading-dock) entrance where we deposited our “admission charge” slightly after 8 pm and walked in to hear some mellow-sounding covers. Seating seemed to be mainly on the floor around the stage and I noticed a bar with wine, so immediately headed over to buy a couple glasses for ASL and myself. The server started to explain that it was a warm Spanish red and I joked with her that she flattered me, as I could scarcely tell the difference, received my change, handed ASL her wine and turned around clockwise to look almost directly at CLC, who presumably also saw me.

As ASL was still turning from the bar to survey the room I said to her “I have to leave now. I legally cannot be here” and she looked puzzled until I gestured at CLC with my glass. “That is Kate,” I said, and turned clockwise again to head out the way I’d come.

We paused in the hallway headed back toward the entry, our undrunk wines still fresh in our hands. It occurred to me that I could not leave the building with the alcohol, nor realistically give it to Anja and expect her to find her own way home. I asked her if she would like to stay and have me pick her up later and she suggested going back to make sure it was CLC. I told her that she absolutely should NOT contact CLC on my behalf and that I needed to leave. I told her I had my phone and would be out in the van, but to take her time and finish up her wine. I then downed mine in two quick gulps and went out to the van where I waited for approximately five minutes until ASL came out and we went home.

At home we made a fire and had some chips and salsa instead. Ironically I also received a phone call from a stranger named Don who had seen one of my listings on Tribe and we talked for about thirty minutes about Tribe and David Deida and men’s work in the Portland area.

I’ll see what, if anything, CLC does with all this and how she chooses to portray it. I am confident, however, that I did exactly the right thing. I almost hope she pulls some sort of shit on this one, so that I can humiliate her in court. All in all, though, it was a very productive night.