Text of letter sent to Kevin Balmer at 5704 NE Mason, Portland. Return receipt requested, week of 17mar06. Never delivered.

March 2006
Post Office Box 202
Vancouver WA 98666

Dear Cate,

Please don’t be upset with Kevin, as he had no defense. I am older than him (among other things) and am sure he loves you as best he is able.

The main thing I want you to know is that I forgive you, and that any fear you have nine years after Marcus’ death is entirely your own. My gesture with the couch was never intended as a threat, and the subpoena that brought me down from Seattle for your hearing mostly just confused and saddened me. I carried a huge charge around that for a long time, and worked on it harder than you know. Marcus’ death was not your fault, nor mine, and I forgive whatever craziness your guilt must have brought you, as I believe Marcus would forgive me mine.

Very near the end of my madness someone asked me if Marcus would want to see me so broken. I didn’t think he would (you were with me at the portal) and I often wonder what he and Lynne, your mother, would say of us. Would they want this ongoing tension? Are these the lives that best honor the dead? I do not think so, and we all deserve better.

I forgive you.

Love,
Rory