A form letter for Kate: the Dump-O-Matic

With our hectic schedules today, we here at Rorybowman.com appreciate how important your time is. Talking to people or dropping a card can be hard, we know, so we’ve developed this new version of Dump-O-Matic 98. In combination with Microsoft’s Pencil Wizard we think you can quickly and sincerely communicate your deepest feelings to those you once loved (or perhaps loved under emulation). Just check the boxes below which apply and drop it in the mail today. A self-addressed, stamped envelope is enclosed for your convenience.

Please note that, for cross-platform compatibility, we have not included punctuation.

___   My best beloved
___   My once-beloved
___   Dear Rory
___   You fucking shithead

___   I am sorry I haven’t written but
___   I’ve been very busy with school
___   I’ve been very busy with work
___   I’ve been busy with new disposable friends
___   I’ve been dealing with emotional issues
___   I just really can’t be bothered
___   I can’t distinguish you from your dead brother
___   I’m afraid of you for reasons I can’t articulate
___   I’m afraid of you for reasons I won’t share
___   Marti told me not to
___   I never really gave a fuck anyway
___   I’m more comfortable with dead people
___   Who the fuck are you to complain that I haven’t written

When months ago I said that I wanted to play “for keeps” I was

___   a naive little twit who didn’t know what I was saying
___   enacting my own gender stereotypes about respectability
___   under the influence of hormones
___   grossly mistaken about who you were
___   suffering from romantic delusions
___   fooling myself
___   just kidding

___   Sorry that you believed me

I think that we should have

___   never slept together
___   never moved in together
___   just kept things as a sweet 3-week fling
___   just kept things at a sweet 3-month fling
___   taken time off after Marcus’ suicide
___   killed Marcus ourselves
___   moved to a different house
___   killed ourselves like in that Shakespeare movie with Leonardo

Right now I need

___   space to figure out my own feelings about Marcus
___   space to figure out what the hell happened to my identity
___   space to process Reed
___   space to figure out my feelings about you
___   time to figure out who I am
___   to find someone who wants to impregnate me
___   time to finish school
___   another dodge

I hope that I can

___   talk in person with you soon
___   send a more detailed letter soon
___   talk by phone with you soon
___   touch base with you around (insert date and year): ____________________
___   see you in some public place or perhaps at a party where we can visit
___   live my life without any further contact with you
___   visit you only at Samhain across an empty plate
___   forget I ever knew you

I would like to

___   see you once or twice a year
___   see you every month or two
___   talk to you by phone every month or two
___   talk with you by phone once or twice a year
___   exchange birthday cards and such once or twice a year
___   forget I ever met you

Right now I need to

___   get this in the mail
___   go to the bathroom
___   other: ___________________________________________________________

___   I love you
___   I’ll be in touch, I promise
___   Fuck off
___   I want you dead
___   I’m so very sorry